A boatload of bloggers has been following Mitch Joel’s lead and talking about how they blog. There have been some wonderful posts that look inside many bloggers’ strategy from Mark Schaefer, Gini Dietrich, Jason Konopinski, and others. From what Ken Mueller discovered over at Inkling Media when he posed that question to some of us, people seem to get out the keyboard and just write already.
Me, too. No notes, just thought processes in ideation all the time taking up valuable brain space. Since blogging began for me two years ago, everything is a story, everything has an angle, everything is blog fodder. It’s maddening, and I read science fiction at night to shut down.
About Negative Comments
So, rather than follow Mitch Joel’s challenge to share how I blog (oh, maybe I already did that), I want to look at a very intrinsic part of blogging that makes the world go round. It’s comments, but it’s not the type of comment you might think.
Detractors and bot spammers and people with some real negativity are showing up in comments. This has happened to me when I post on a national level, and it’s no fun. It also happened last week over at a client site, JD Match, where someone named Bob asked me if I didn’t have anything better to do than to blog about something that detracted from making the world a better place.
Over at Spin Sucks yesterday, my friend Jenn Whinnem wrote a post about her employer, Connecticut Health Foundation and how it measures success. A headline adjustment caused the headline to imply they were measuring ROI; her article didn’t really address that. The comments came out of the gate fast and aggressive. For a guest blogger who rarely blogs to feel that angst on the receiving end, it’s not fun when you’re on the firing line.
There is a range of emotions I experience when I read a negative comment the first time. Let me try to share what they are and see if you have experienced any of the same:
1. Immediate lack of confidence. Did I write something wrong? What did I say that didn’t sit well? Should I go find it and switch the language?
2. Angst. Darn it, I hit publish too quickly; I was in a squirrely mood and it showed in the flip tone. I needed to let that post sit over night.
3. Anger. The urge to launch back with a slew of discourteous words is so tempting I fire off a retort then come to my senses and delete and rewrite something as smooth as silk pie.
4. Relief. After I reread the negative comment, I realize while it’s directed at me, it’s not about me. It’s about the commenter who likes to bring discomfort to bloggers in their own community.
Managing negativity in a blogging community is one thing. When you write at a national level, it’s expected. If you’re a guest in someone else’s community with a guest post, there ought to be respect. Well, heck, there ought to be respect anywhere, but that’s a bit lacking at times, isn’t it?
At Michelle Quillin’s house today over at New England Multimedia, I’ve written a guest post, 10 Tips To Handle Negative Blog Comments. I’m certain her community will be nice to me as a guest, and I’m hopeful, too, the 10 tips will prepare someone for how to manage a bit of angst in comments.
Now, it’s your turn…how do you manage detractors and dissenting comments? Please share so we can all learn.
I think there is a difference between negative comments (you’re an idiot; get a life; what a stupid idea) and criticism. What Jenn experienced yesterday was criticism. I carefully read through all of the comments on the plane last night and not once was anyone negative toward her. I also thought she handled herself REALLY well.
Unfortunately, I read the blog post before it published and thought the same Olivier did. But I was getting ready to go on stage so I didn’t go the extra step to change the headline from what the Spin Sucks editorial team had written. Even though Spin Sucks is bigger than me, it’s still my blog and I take responsibility for the wrong headline.
That said, it doesn’t matter if the comments are negative or critical, you always feel your cheeks get hot and your heart beat a little faster when it happens to you. It’s both frustrating and exhilarating. I personally don’t think we have enough debate online and I was happy to see a discussion about the ROI topic.
@ginidietrich Point well taken in re criticism v. accusation of being an idiot. I encouraged Jenn on the sideline with her behavior and her grace managing the comments. In spite of it all, as a baby guest blogger, it was challenging for her; I’m proud of her, too.
I also saw that she was taking it on the chin, and knowing Jenn as I do, I roused the community and asked them to stop in for support which helped diffuse a tad.
What it also helped do was take the conversation into a What Is ROI (blog post anyone?) direction as you point out. I love this, and it’s still going on. This is an excellent case study not only for NPO, foundations, but also for business people and others learning.
We have so many different levels of expertise, and that came out strongly here. Thanks, Gini.
@Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing As the person who *caused* the problem on Spin Sucks yesterday, I can certainly attest to the fact that it is a horrible feeling! Your heart sinks like a lead weight. And it takes your mind off productive things. Youhope apologizing sincerely will just make it go away but sometimes it’s not that easy.
In the case of respectful debate, that’s a more positive energy. It’s always very stimulating for the brain. I could use more practice debating my beliefs!!!
@Lisa Gerber Hey, Lisa! I’d say headline writing has to be the most challenging aspect of blogging. As the community manager and chief editor, your role is to bring in readers and traffic.
When a guest poster has an exact idea of what they’re saying and it differs from someone not engaged with original writing of the content, that’s where disconnect could happen.
Thank goodness you were so gracious and Jenn was so graceful. I think, as to Gini’s point, the debate on ROI has truly become a wonderful takeaway for us all. I’m imagining one of you to do the What Is ROI post and weave in all those priceless comments.
I have had a popular personal blog for about six years now. Negative comments come with the territory. However I have always had a strict comment policy that says while differing points of view are welcome personal or rude comments are not. Also in my policy is the information that I will delete comments that don’t comply. And I do. The result is a generally mature conversation on the blog and a great atmosphere. As long as comments contribute to the conversation I am generally okay with them. Sometimes negative comments are useful as they can create new debate. If all comments on a blog are positive it can look a bit suspicious.
@JiveNationTO So great seeing you today, Lady! Excellent feedback and approach. I always wonder if people read a blog comment policy. It’s a must to have one, apparently (I’ve never formalized one), and those who come to be negative should be called on it.
As @ginidietrich said below, is it criticism or rudeness? And, her blog yesterday was a perfect example of how comments can feed debate.
I appreciate your candor in sharing how negative blog comments make you feel, Jayme. It’s not an easy topic for people to talk about.
I know I sometimes self-censor myself for fear of inciting a negative comment, and that’s not what blogging is about. We all have different viewpoints and opinions, but some folks can be a little nastier than others when expressing their angles. Yes, negative comments and constructive feedback are a part of the game. The key is not letting them ruffle your feathers and handling the criticism to help strengthen your point of view or to possibly change it.
@Krista And, it all comes with experience, right? I’ll never forget as a new blogger; I couldn’t have been blogging more than a month and along came the nastiest detractor calling me names. I was horrified and paralyzed. I consulted Twitter peeps and everyone came to my rescue with what to do, but I had taken it down. That will never happen again, and it all comes from experience! Thanks for stopping in today!
Thanks Jayme. With the exception of one person, I thought everyone was thinking critically and asking me good questions. I guess I’ll find out down the road what the damage to my reputation was.
@jennwhinnem OOH. No damage to reputation at all! You were graceful under pressure and managed yourself like a queen bee. Like Gini suggested, many of us had similar reactions to the content and there is a difference between critical and rude.
As said above, when feeling that pressure right between the eyes, it is NO fun. You need a thick skin to manage at the front of the crowd, for sure. You did swell.
@jennwhinnem You DID not damage your reputation. You were very, very gracious in your responses. The only way it would have hurt you is if you’d been a jerk. And you were not. Not in the least.
@ginidietrich @jennwhinnem DITTO! Absolutely, and don’t you dare think otherwise, Jenn! Danggummit
Something I keep in mind when replying to negative comments (be they on blog posts, forum posts, etc) — I should be making factual statements and corrections not just for the person I am replying to, but to educate everyone else reading. Even if the person making negative comments cannot or will not be swayed, they are far outnumbered by the silent majority of readers.
@adamjury Hi, Adam…great to see you. Your reference to the lurkers is valid and one we should not forget. So many peruse and leave; which impression did they leave with — the one from the post or those in comments showing our behavior under pressure?
If we all wondered and worried about those non-commenters, I bet half of we bloggers wouldn’t be blogging!
@adamjury Hey friend – agree. Just saw neg comments on an associate’s blog…and no answers. Gave me a bad feeling. And what a missed opportunity!
<blockquote>I should be making factual statements and corrections not just for the person I am replying to, but to educate everyone else reading.</blockquote>
@adamjury – same here. Whenever I comment, I do so mainly with the mindset that I’m willing to share AND learn with everyone else.
There are times I feel like making mincemeat out of someone who posts what I honestly and sincerely think is a factually wrong comment (e.g. you won’t get sued if you don’t reply to lawyer’s letter). Unlike a real life conversation, thankfully one has the opportunity to step back and think for a while before clicking the Post or Submit button!
Usually I’d make a comment, not post yet, step away for a while, think and breathe, then get back and decide whether to submit it, change it, or forget it. If I do the 3rd option, it’s no loss.
@Dave Zan @adamjury Hi, Dave! You and Adam raise an excellent point and I hope you engage in educating commenters and bloggers about topics they cover that need another angle, are incorrect or could use a missing factoid.
Imagine the opportunity! Well, if you’re a blogger like me, I relish that. I suppose some would not be so engaging with a comment that corrects. So wonderful having you both here; thanks.
@Dave Zan I agree with taking some time to think over things; but I don’t agree that not posting a correction is “no loss” — or rather, I look at it as being “no gain” instead, and I’d much rather make gains!
Jayme, I get all of those feelings when I see negativity on a blog post or Facebook thread, especially if the commenter is using words that tear down and attack someone’s intelligence (like some did with Jenn) rather than build up and encourage. We can always find a way to express disagreement without being disagreeable and just plain mean. Over on the blog post you wrote for me, with your 10 awesome tips for handling dissension and negativity online, I shared a story in reply to Ralph about an incident I witnessed offline yesterday that’s really symptomatic of the society we’re living in now (see it at https://bit.ly/JnenWV). I swear, I’m about to take my toys and go live in the mountains alone, with no TV to see how mean everyone is getting. Is it worse, or am I just getting more sensitive?
Jayme, I get all of those feelings when I see negativity on a blog post or Facebook thread, especially if the commenter is using words that tear down and attack someone’s intelligence (like some did with Jenn) rather than build up and encourage. We can always find a way to express disagreement without being disagreeable and just plain mean.
Over on the blog post you wrote for me, with your 10 awesome tips for handling dissension and negativity online, I shared a story in reply to Ralph about an incident I witnessed offline yesterday that’s really symptomatic of the society we’re living in now (see it at https://bit.ly/JnenWV). I swear, I’m about to take my toys and go live in the mountains alone, with no TV to see how mean everyone is getting. Is it worse, or am I just getting more sensitive?
@New England Multimedia It’s worse, Michelle. That’s why I try to insulate during political elections. TV is rarely on the news any more (if any at all). I try to reduce my exposure to negative people with always negative attitude. It stresses me out, and the load of raising a 10yo daughter is enough mental stress to drive me to drink. Teach those children the healthy foundation you are via your ministry. You can rest easy knowing you were part of the village, Michelle.
@Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Jayme, you have no idea how timely those words are for me, right now, in this very moment. Thank-you.
Hey Justin! your a good writer. Yessir just bad manners. mama always told me to say “thats nice” or “bless your heart” when someone started getting cute. I wouldn’t roll my eyes or anything (did that once) but cute seemed awfully subjective and cute to me means girls so of course i needed somehow to provide a way for them to help me help them so now i try to keep a can’t miss goto restaurant and a box of puppies handy anyhow at around 70 no matter what was going on she began to say ” Don’t know, I had a tater and left” i have no idea why it works but we got that going for us. #mommatoldmenottocome #amiholdingthisskilletright
5 pts????? thats all i get is 5 pts. i spill my heart and all (with a borrowed spell check dictionary!). 5 pts?? can i cash out now ? put my money on gini? i’ll just tell people its nice but i had a tater and left
@Nuk3dawg Dude. You just need to comment more via Livefyre!! Apparently, you’re hitting all the Disqus blogs! Heh. Not sure what to say re the below comment; let’s suffice with “very creative!” But, who the heck is Justin? Thanks for stopping in!
I just read your article on 10 tops for handling negative comments. I’d say they’re all right on the money.
Something I wonder about your #7 there. Personally I’d delete the really bad comment if the person’s profile isn’t linked to anything, though I wonder about leaving it there if it’s tied to someone’s actual web site, Facebook, Twitter, etc.
Obviously goodbye spammer. The way I see it, leaving a person’s negative comment there with his/her/its profile on sort of “calls them out” on it, kind of similar to that brouhaha on the Hunger Games’ actors/actresses recently.
Anyway, I’ll give it some further thought. Other than those, I’d say expand #1 also to going back to the basic function of life. (well human beings’ life, anyway…) 😀
@Dave Zan For anyone confused, Dave was nice enough to mention my guest post over at @New England Multimedia yesterday that was written in tandem with this one. And, I’m going to share here so peeps can stop in, if they’d like.
https://newenglandmultimedia.com/new-england-multimedia-blog/10-tips-for-handling-negative-blog-comments
Odd, Livefyre would not let me paste that…sorry guys!
Dave, only once did I ever delete a comment and it was back in newbie blogging days when that just paralyzed me. Because I stick my neck out to shake the bushes (although not as hard as some!), I expect some dissent…kinda makes life exciting. Thank you for coming here and there!
Negative comments are easy. I tell the commenter that they have won a contest and I need to know where to ship their prize.
Once I have that information I bake a batch of ExLax brownies, write a nice note and send them on out to my favorite commenter, They love receiving gifts and I love giving them.
Problem solved.