Credit: Srinivas Rao, Kikolani.com
Everywhere I turn, I hear about someone who has committed suicide — all ages. And, I listen and watch as friends say good-bye to parents. My heart saddens with the news of my own friends passing on. This news is not random; it’s frequent and sometimes twice daily.
In your life, are you dealing with the emotions about losing someone special or hearing about your managing their loss?
As we all continue to grapple with the passing of loved ones and friends, we need to be sympathetic and empathetic in the workplace about these emotions. I’m not going to give tips on the best way to manage workplace situations because I’m really not qualified to do that.
This issue has been affecting me and bothering me more and more, especially because my college roommate just said good bye to both her parents. And, I have heard of four suicides by teenagers and fathers of young children (hitting very close to home).
In the workplace, when we hear our peers have lost someone special in their life, the doors open with sorrowful messages of condolence, and the recipient is too shocked to hear. When these people return to work and act “normal,” colleagues aren’t sure what to say or whether to bring up the issue. It’s awkward.
Then, after five months or so, when it really hits home that a loved one is not coming for dinner, making a phone call, or coming to your birthday party, more of grieving occur and stress rears its head with odd workplace behavior. Depression happens. It’s one day at a time to get through the raw sadness and grief. Time heals wounds slowly.
In our workplaces, we’re not prepared for the “onslaught” of the passing of an aging population. Coworkers are not trained in sensitivity around this issue. The challenge is that everyone deals with death in their own way. Which means nothing, really. That’s a mask of an excuse because EVERYONE is grieving. It’s how they show up to others that makes one suggest we all with death differently.
As our population ages and passes, will their families in workplaces be able to work efficiently? Will there be lost productivity? Will there be greater absenteeism? Should there be temp workers standing in the wings in the event that…?
For we who are small businesses and self-employed, this issue is out of our control. We don’t dictate when someone leaves our world to continue their journey elsewhere. We also can’t control the impact that loss has on our own ability to manage productivity and deliver quality service. But knowing there is no one else to carry the ball, we will get up and go…because there is no other option.
If anyone has thoughts to share on this, please do. I have no expectation how this topic will be received, but it’s been bothering me enough to write on.
(Post-Script: In searching for links to add herein, the author of one I selected has the same name of my dear friend I said good bye to this week. What are the odds? Rest in Peace Patricia Johnson.)
Lots of thoughts and emotions, but I can relate to a workplace situation. We lost of 39-year-old mother of three suddenly. We had a brief meeting of our immediate workgroup, and it was amazing how quickly the managers had cleaned her desk off, leaving no trace that she even had been there. They didn’t want anyone ti memorialize the space, it was just “Next!”. Soured me on corporate culture.
@Brad_Lovett Oh man. That is truly horrifying, Brad. I think more needs to be done by (HR?) to deliver sensitivity training or at least open discussion about this topic. I don’t have any better way; I always cry…but, we need some empathy. This is happening more and more around us and everyone is affected whether they shove it under a rock or not. Thanks for commenting today, Brad.
@Brad_Lovett That’s horrible! I can see why it would sour you, Brad. All the more reason for you to run your own business and have a completely different style of management. I bet you’d be a wonderful employer.
What a lovely post, Jayme. You really do have a heart of gold, friend. I know no answers other than to be there for our friends in whatever way we can. I’m never one to push my way in, rather I hang back and observe and insert as needed. I am instantly there should one of my friends in this scenario need me and as is the case for my family and what we’re going through now, I’m their rock and their comic relief. Heh. Such is my role. 🙂
@EricaAllison See what I mean? Everyone has something that trips the trigger slightly downward; yet, to get on through the day we need to act normalized. So everyone isn’t freaked…but, life is happening all around us. I just want people to be more sensitive. What Brad said below is horrifying…cleaning someone’s desk in a jiffy who is no longer there…how about a mourning period or a memorial around the cube or something?
I’ll never forget our colleague from the Publicity Club of Chicago died of HIV/AIDS. He never told anyone he was ill or dying. I felt very upset because I couldn’t really say goodbye or give a hug or just have a special moment.
Another time I learned my dear friend in Chicago had passed, and I found out on a LinkedIn site. It had happened more than 10 days prior. I was very sad.
Jayme, what a heartfelt post. I’m so sorry for all the losses you’ve experienced recently. You’re right — those of us who are self-employed or who own small businesses with tiny staff, each person with very specialized tasks, often have to simply keep going when a crisis hits.However, there are things you can do now to prepare yourself for the inevitable. We were forced to face this a couple of years ago when Scott was in the hospital for a couple of days. We’d already thought ahead, though, about what we would do to keep the company going should anything happen to him, since he’s the partner who does all the WordPress development, back-end work, and video editing and production. While we didn’t need to put Plan B into action, we have dear, trusted friends and colleagues in the same industries — including social media community management — who can jump in and take over if need be to make sure the company keeps moving forward should we ever need them. We’d do the same for them.
As for small businesses who have more than two employees, one of the most important things I’ve learned as a youth minister over the years is the need for leaders to be pouring themselves into and developing the leadership skills of assistants — always preparing others to take over and lead, so the ministry will continue forward should you need to step down or step aside. That same “forward-thinking leadership” is needed in any organization. Managers who are possessive or territorial about their own positions really struggle with this, and it’s a detriment to the organization.
Jayme, what a heartfelt post. I’m so sorry for all the losses you’ve experienced recently. You’re right — those of us who are self-employed or who own small businesses with tiny staff, each person with very specialized tasks, often have to simply keep going when a crisis hits.
However, there are things you can do now to prepare yourself for the inevitable. We were forced to face this a couple of years ago when Scott was in the hospital for a couple of days. We’d already thought ahead, though, about what we would do to keep the company going should anything happen to him, since he’s the partner who does all the WordPress development, back-end work, and video editing and production. While we didn’t need to put Plan B into action, we have dear, trusted friends and colleagues in the same industries — including social media community management — who can jump in and take over if need be to make sure the company keeps moving forward should we ever need them. We’d do the same for them.
As for small businesses who have more than two employees, one of the most important things I’ve learned as a youth minister over the years is the need for leaders to be pouring themselves into and developing the leadership skills of assistants — always preparing others to take over and lead, so the ministry will continue forward should you need to step down or step aside. That same “forward-thinking leadership” is needed in any organization. Managers who are possessive or territorial about their own positions really struggle with this, and it’s a detriment to the organization.
@New England Multimedia You’re right. I wish I could have someone to groom to take the reins one day…but, I have no desire to ever stop what I’m doing…I love it too much. That urge to do more video is calling me!
As for help from peers and colleagues, I absolutely know where to turn! 🙂 Thanks, Michelle.
@Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing You know we’d be here for you if you ever need anything, Jayme.
Last June, one week after my very dear 38-year-old cousin Elaine drowned, her co-workers held a Memorial Service for her in a conference room at the hospital where my cousin, an RN, had worked. Her fellow employees even created a Powerpoint presentation with pictures and favorite memories of her, which they showed at the service, and later posted to YouTube. (I will paste that YouTube link at the bottom of my comment, so you can see how beautifully it was done.) The Memorial Service was open to the public, and our family, along with Elaine’s non-coworker friends, were specifically invited. Several of Elaine’s fellow nurses, and some of her patients, spoke at the service.
In my 58 years I have lost many acquaintances and loved ones, but no other death has hit me this hard. Elaine was my only blood relative living in this state. We had talked on the phone for almost an hour, the night before she died. On the morning of her death, Elaine sent happy text messages to our phone, saying that she and a friend were on their way to the hot spings. She texted YAY! and made a smiley face, to show how excited she was about going. I was writing a long email to her, full of plans for a shared future that will never be, the afternoon my cousin drowned.
I still cannot believe that my precious baby cousin is GONE. She was so alive, with so much living yet to do. Nothing can change the tragic reality that Elaine is forever gone from this world, long before her time. But the tremendous outpouring of love, kindness,and the sharing of priceless memories and grief at my cousin’s workplace, is a memory that is very dear to my heart.
Here is the link to Elaine’s Powerpoint Memorial:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGxrC3pzgdY
“I love you, Girlie.”
@ladyquixote on twitter
@LadyQuixote You are wonderful to share this story; amazing. I have to dash out right now, but I’m coming back later to read your comments again and share more on my end. Thank you for coming; really.
@LadyQuixote Perhaps what is needed is more of these kinds of people in the world — people who, when a coworker passes away, step forward to give what everyone in the workplace needs: an opportunity to grieve together openly. The sensitivity training should perhaps be coming from the bottom up, not the top down.
@LadyQuixote Well, I only made it through one minute of that video before I became ferklempt. We lost my sister at 36yo from rare mesothelioma; she was a physician. She left her two babies now 11 and 8; I’ve worked hard to keep in contact and ensure they visit grampa and gramma each summer.
As for what you all did in the workplace…lovely, touching, therapeutic and so necessary. Grieving in a group may not be comfortable for some, but the opportunity to express sadness is so important to moving on.
Again, thank you for sharing.
What a very special post. Thank you. With agreeing parents around the globe I am so happy Skype exits. Last week we sat talking with an aunt in Iceland for an hour and a half. She is 85 and it was the first time she had seen Skype. For those of us that work from home offices or in the cloud technology today helps us stay just that little bit closer. I am so thankful for that.
I hear of so many people and beloved animals passing nowadays it seems to be a reminder to seize the day. Making money, growing our businesses is important, but what is it worth without people to share it with.
@jonbuscall Jon, we are so blessed to live in an era where keeping in touch — “face to face,” even — is so simple. And yes, all these deaths lately really do have a way of making us rethink the way we spend our days!!
@jonbuscall Thanks for coming over, Jon. You and I have had some extraordinary conversations on Skype, and I raise that often. We no longer have to be disconnected due to geography, and how flippin’ cool is that you introduced Skype to an 85yo!
What are you finding in cultures in Europe about dying and how it’s acknowledged in the workplace?
You just never know how much time you have. Last November one of my blogging friends went to sleep and didn’t wake up. She was a doctor and all of 41.
Got to take advantage of here and now because tomorrow is too late.