When you say “been there, done that” to a crowd of peeps, what comes to mind as a bystander? Arrogance or expertise?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve used that phrase in the past, but when I think about when and how, it’s usually in jest with someone who knows me well and also knows I’m not bragging or jockeying for position.
The blogosphere produces many arrogant people; you know who they are because you either elect to read them, or you do the eyeball roll and move on. I’ve been called arrogant before; I think it’s because that person mistakes my confidence for arrogance. Maybe they think I’m just an expert so my knowledge comes across as arrogance because that person regards themselves as slightly less confident.
There are so many of us who started our blogging journeys about the same time. Others shot to stardom quickly and made names for themselves; some are still plodding along trying to determine whether and how we want to make some dough on this thing. And, many, many are blogging without confidence.
Been there, done that! Heh.
See how easy it is to use that phrase when someone shares their trials and tribulations? Imagine how recipients feel when they hear that, especially if the delivery is done without genuine warmth. Then it’s just plain old arrogance.
What I’m trying to say is the been-there-done-that mentality will come back to bite you in the patout when you’re least expecting it. The world is small; people talk, clients complain and gossip about one service provider over another, and reputations are made or undone.
Don’t be arrogant, people. Earn your expertise, but don’t laud your skills over others as loftier-than-thou. Having expertise and sharing the lessons you learned whilst poking fun at your own expense are the best way to build true relationships. Getting preachy about it just doesn’t fly.
Every time some jamoke tells me that he has” been there, done that” I respond by letting them know that it is ok because I wrote the book on it. 😉
Hah. You stole my word, “jamoke.” Or did you create that? PARTY ON, GARTH. There, had to correct my misrepresentation of Garth in yesterday’s blog comments. @GiniDietrich — did you catch that?
Best comeback line ever!
AMEN!
I do more than plod: I scheme, I conspire, I make ritual sacrifices to voodoo gods (looks a lot like drinking wine, playing cards). Like Jack, I’ve used the ‘I’ve got the t-shirt’ quip, but you’re right.. we make presumptions when we say that. It’s like the misery game, everyone trying to one-up, out dysfunction the next. We don’t know – really – from someone else’s life, trials and tribulations; we can empathize but no, we’ve never really ‘been there, done that.’ We experience OUR versions, not theirs. Thanks for the reminder.
No offense meant. I’m the plodder, for sure…AGREE with all!
None taken, promise. 🙂
I just think of a jaded person, really. I have to have enough context to know someone is blowing off someone else’s genuine concerns to call it arrogance, or to know that person has learned enough from where they’ve been and what they’ve done to call it expertise.
Well said; I have to fully agree.
I would never say that in front of a group of people, but sometimes I feel like that when I get certain recommendations for social media.
For example.
I learned firsthand how “if you build it, they will come” simply DOES NOT WORK! I built a ning for a group of about 50 people – nada. There were 3 of us who regularly held conversations to try to entice other people to join in. It failed miserably and I was delighted when I could pull the plug on it.
So now when people are like “make a LinkedIn group” or “let’s make our own message board” I can’t help it – I’m like “let me know how that works out for you.”
Not as simple as it’s suggested, eh? I think you’re spot on with many peoples’ experiences, too, Jenn. Great to see you today!
If I’ve been through something a friend is sharing, and I don’t ever want to go through it again, I do say “Been there, done that,” but as an encouragement, as in “Oh, yeah — I know what that’s like.” Like the friend who’s dating a lazy schmutz, or the daughter who has an insecure boss, or the Mom who’s had a blowout with their teen over installing Net Nanny on the family computer.
Gosh, I hope they take it as an encouragement.
Oh, dear. Think I just learned something.
I think the net net here is to give one pause prior to using that; if we think of the situation we’re in would saying that often-flip remark help or hurt the receiver/listener? In your case I can’t imagine the latter, Michelle!
If I say ‘been there, done that’ it’s usually in response to something boneheaded someone is talking about and I’m assuring them I can top that………
I am as confident as I need to be and as long as I know that, then everything will fall into place; I don’t need to brag about it. If you have to tell me how good you are I have a tendency to to NOT give it a lot of credibility. I would rather your actions speak instead of your lips; let me see your body of work.
But that’s just me………
I think it’s much more than just you, Bill. You’re spot on in my opinion and thanks for saying so!
For me the biggest problem with that declaration the mistaken assumption that “there” and “that” are static. The moment you believe you’ve learned or experienced everything you need to know about an industry, a skill set, etc., that’s the moment you start becoming disengaged and irrelevant.
Agreed. And, how about boorish, too? No one likes the sound of a horn tooting unless they’re the one doing it.
I sometimes use the phrase when I write, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually said it, at least, not in a public forum. I think it comes across as not necessarily arrogant, but perhaps condescending. And since I don’t like to be condescended too, I’d hate to make anyone else feel I was treating them as such.
Great point, Shonali. Condescending defines this rather well. I think when you write this, and I did recently read this in a blog which prompted this seemingly out-of-left-field post, the consideration of its meaning comes with the tonality of the entire article/conversation.
In thinking about when I use it, like I said above, I put a chuckle around it to soften the tone. That works most of the time!
I totally agree that bloggers should never be arrogant. Moreover, they should encourage people to read their posts and share their ideas, engaging conversations. But now I am asking myself: Can’t a reader identify him or herself with a post that has “been there” or “done that’, for the fact that maybe they can share common situations lived by both of them? Maybe a reader is actually looking for someone who has have the same experience as him so they can exchange information.
Hi and welcome, Laisogata! You’re right — a reader is likely looking for a blogger who knows what they’re doing and is sharing high-level material. What it comes done to is the tonality and arrogance of the delivery.
If you, in my community, read what I wrote and said to yourself, “been there, done that already,” then you’ll likely move on to find someone who can teach you better. If I listened to you in a comment and remarked, “been there, done that,” back AT YOU, you’d likely be offended! If, however, I said, “Yes, I’ve had that experience before, and here’s how it turned out,” then you’re likely to take no offense and hopefully become a regular reader.
(At least I hope that’s what happens at the end of the story…thanks for coming by!)
I don’t use the phrase. It’s like when you’re telling a story to someone and they can’t wait to “been there, done that, got the Tshirt and did it even better than you” one up you. I love @TheJackB:disqus comeback line:)
Hah. Love the t-shirt idea…The BlogJack Been There Done That Community!
Hey!
Been here after so long 🙁
I think it depends on the context in which you are saying it. It might convey either of the two; depending on the tone in which you are saying it. Also, if I have to say it, and feel that it might be taken the wrong way, there is always a way to back it up with experiences and proof. That may be conveying some amount of expertise on your own part. But used too often, then that is something to actually think about!
It’s such a horrible phrase; when the tone is wrong, you hear, it, too. I try not to use this, but when I see it in print, I cringe because it’s so arrogant. Thanks for coming over, Hajra!
G’Day Jayme,
Down here in Oz, The expression is usually ” been there seen him–or her– done that” Personally, I never use it……for obvious reasons. Like there’s no privacy on the internet And i did promise……sorry, can’t say. But It was fun.
Regards
Leonut
I betcha $ you’re having a nice sip of some Aussie Shiraz (where I used to live and where those grapes truly originated from) and wanted to rabble rouse, so you came to my house to see if I was paying attention. Indeed; caught you red-handed. Now pour me some, too! (Please!)