Eat Chocolate! By Jayme Soulati
For nearly a week blog fodder mojo has stymied me. I have been paralyzed due to my disgust for the state of affairs in this world that profoundly affects my psyche and healthy outlook for my future. I wasn’t planning on writing about it until just now when the August 28, 2012 Wall Street Journal Health & Wellness section caught my eye. It seems fortuitous that I can validate my thinking and my blog posts with a national story that only enhances the fact that I am a worrywart.
The story, “Tricks from the Elderly to Stop Worrying; People Learn to Put Aside Negative Emotions and Focus on the Present, Which Leads to Healthy Aging,” makes a bold statement I hope to emulate when I’m older but it won’t help me today:
“The elderly learn to disentangle themselves from feelings of negativity and seem to focus more on present situations that bring pleasure, rather than on the future, researchers say. They also tend to process negative information less deeply than positive information.”
And, there’s a great chart that says people in midlife tend to worry the most from about age 40 to early 50s, after which feelings of worry decrease. Talk about validation! There you have it; my paralysis of fear and worry corroborated by the Wall Street Journal!
So, I’ll get all these things off my chest and on to yours, and I’m hoping I’ll feel so much the better when I’m double nickels:
- Mr. Akin running for U.S. Senate is disturbing. As a woman, as a mother, as voter, as a citizen of a free and progressive country where the fight for equality, the right to vote and the right to make choices I expect more from U.S. “leaders” who want to run this country and who insist on making ignorant statements. Does he have a daughter, a wife, a granddaughter?
- The daily news of killings and shootings of innocent people attending religious institutions, movie theaters, schools, and retail establishments is out of control. I am seriously contemplating learning how to manage and carry a weapon of self-defense.
- The cost of consumer goods and services continues to skyrocket yet no consumer or family is earning more income to support the ability to pay more at the cash register and fuel pump (today’s gas per gallon in my region is $3.95). American families are being gouged; something has to give.
- The medical and health care system in this country is in utter disarray. Hospitals are buying physician practices and charging triple the amount for the same MRI a person had three months ago. Insurance premiums go up annually (I have a $4500 deductible and so does my daughter; yet, I now pay $400/month for health insurance we can’t use, and I pay cash for dental.)
- States are fighting down party lines against and for Affordable Health Care; what about the residents in those states who align with the new health care act who want those benefits but can’t due to governors who are blocking programs? What about those in the states who don’t want to buy health insurance but have to?
- How can I afford to help pay for my child’s college when tuition and text books are skyrocketing annually with no end in sight?
- Can I retire ever knowing I never had a corporate job to begin socking money into retirement early and knowing I will never have enough to be comfortable when I’m old?
- If I out live the Medicare program and Social Security runs dry (as I expect it to), how will my golden years be supplemented with the money I’ve paid in since I was a13-year-old corn detassler?
- People in this country hate each other so much, and I hear frequently how some wouldn’t mind seeing a few politicians lose more than an election. The anger is palpable and it’s harmful to positive attitude, and caring for human kind.
- There’s been a swarm of earthquakes 130 miles east of San Diego over several days. Is the big one coming? There is drought in the U.S. racking up prices for grain, beef and other commodities. Rain and tropical storms are pummeling coastlines and the European continent. How can any of us prepare for eventual catastrophe?
Our children’s future is bleak. My future is pressurized by the need to provide for my child and ensure that I, as an aging parent with aging parents and a 10-year-old, am NOT a burden to my family.
There’s a lot on my plate and on yours (feel free to add your stressors below; it feels better).
On occasion I have to dump it all upside down and see where the balls land. I have to do a better job managing the stress, and I have to do it with exercise, proper nutrition and love.
May I have a hug, please?
I’m thinking everyone commenting should leave their stressors in comments and feel better by dumping them off your plate and into the blogosphere! I’m feeling better already!
@Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing I’m angry at the reductionist political & scientific discourse that dominates our society.This article perfectly captures it: “Facts, 360 B.C.-A.D. 2012 In memoriam: After years of health problems, Facts has finally died.” https://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-04-19/news/ct-talk-huppke-obit-facts-20120419_1_facts-philosopher-opinion
Just because someone put an image on Facebook that details the dangers of soda does not make it true! People, we have google (and snopes) now! You don’t have to swallow your aunt’s email forwards whole. Stop letting viral photos with writing on them drive your thinking. If you insist on reading and watching infotainment, get out your salt shaker and be prepared to divide rhetoric from fact. WHY are you believing everything you read/hear?
I shouldn’t even touch the political. It’s not really a secret that I am a liberal. But conservatives, take heart. The HuffPo recently published an article about Paul Ryan about how something he said should get him taken off the ticket. Eager to hear him condemn himself, I listened to the video…and guess what, his words were taken completely out of context. This is why I do my own research – I wouldn’t want to sound like as much of an idiot as that particular writer did.
I watched _Network_ recently and I definitely want to yell “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!” out my window.
I want people to THINK, but I will never get my wish. So I just try to have fun, and to help people and let people help me. As Kurt Vonnegut said, “We’re here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.” Amen.
@jennwhinnem @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Jenn Whinnem, you said what I was thinking! True story: My friends (liberals and conservatives) stopped sending me email forwards during the first Obama campaign, because I’d research the information myself and then correct them in a “Reply to All” email of my own. Lovingly, of course, but with links to the REAL story or the ENTIRE speech.
Hopefully the email forwards stopped because my friends got the message that they were contributing to the garbage, and they stopped. My fear, though, is that the email forwards continued, and I was just taken off the lists because I was throwing cold water on their fires. Being the eternal optimist, I’m going to assume the former. The death of facts is due to the death of critical thinking, fueled by laziness and bias. The masses — whatever they believe — prefer to be spoon-fed, even if what they’re being fed is poisoned. Just keep doing your part, and sharing what you discover to be the truth, knowing that people in darkness need you to hold up a light for them so they can see! I know it’s frustrating, but your friends will appreciate it.
@jennwhinnem I am so glad @Brad_Lovett stopped in today to put the tail back on the donkey’s ass (that’s not meant to be a political statement!). Social media has put this country on the divide.
I’m never one to send along the jokes and cartoons and make a story out of that; but maybe someone needs to be the “set-the-record-straight blogger” and put everyone back on the path of productivity.
HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS
First I’m going to hug you, then I’m going to grab you by the shoulders, look you in the eye, and remind you that there is nothing outside the realm of possibility for Americans who have ideas, who have passion, who have drive and ambition, and who are motivated to strike out on their own, shaking off the naysayers and the negativity. This is still America, land of the free, and until those freedoms are completely taken away, every American –except the profoundly disabled — has the power to create his or her own destiny. Look at all the people in our country who rose from nothing, with just a few dollars in their pockets, who faced tremendous obstacles and challenges, and who created lives that went on to bless their families, friends, and future generations.
Jayme, you are a leader. If anyone can create a life of purpose in America, one that blesses her children’s children, it’s you. What will future generations say about great-great-great grandma Soulati?
@New England Multimedia You’re right. Where did I get off balance? I think it was resigning my second largest account; one I had for five years with a major monthly retainer. It’s given me the willies and scaries and creepers.
You’re so right and so is @Mark_Harai I needed this kick in the pants to get back on top where I belong.
Thank you.
Well, for starters, I couldn’t find my glasses this morning. Fortunately I could see well enough to drive to work! Things are going better for me than they have in a long time, I’m working for a growing company and getting paid, and have love in my life. Always room for improvement.
The condition of the country worries me. Are candidates and their surrogates running for President of the United States or President of World Wrestling? If I was going by Facebook and Twitter, I’d be thinking we all hate and despise each other so much we’ll just need to divide the country among red and blue lines. We went to full scale culture war over a chicken sandwich! I believe our differences are irreconcilable; we have drastically different views of the direction we want the country to take; growing government or allowing the private sector to flourish. I’ve had to hide a lot of people from my Facebook just because the constant political harranging was getting old. Sorry to say, a lot of the over the top vitriol comes from the self-proclaimed party of love and tolerance. Was it really neccesary to trash Mia Love’s Wikipedia entry after her GOP convention speech last night? (The contempt for any minority who leaves the Democratic party is way, way, over the top. There is nothing too vile that can be said).
I do wish there was a pop-up on Facebook that said, “Have you checked Snopes?”. Hugs to all and have a great day! @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing @jennwhinnem @New England Multimedia
@Brad_Lovett @jennwhinnem @New England Multimedia Argh; maybe we have social media to blame, then? I am thinking you just nailed it for me, Brad. What an epiphany; I believe people have let loose without decorum b/c anonymity breeds ignorance and hatred. When people leave horrifying comments all over the Internet as someone else, the dopamine is flying.
I’m so glad to hear your work life has finally settled in a positive. I also met your gal, and you guys looked so well together; very compatible. Keep it going!
@Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing @jennwhinnem @New England Multimedia Sometimes I think that social media is to blame, but on the other hand maybe it provides an outlet that keeps us from doing more harmful things to each other, At one time information moved more slowly and there were gatekeepers (working in broadcasting I was always one of the first to know what happened, I don’t want to go back there but it makes you wonder,
Thanks for the kind words about work and Jennifer (@JenKay518). Took a long time to find the right one!
Take care, take a breath and enjoy the evening!
@Brad_Lovett @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing @New England Multimedia If only you hadn’t said that “a lot of the over the top vitriol comes from the self-proclaimed party of love and tolerance.” I could have agreed with you, and this might have been civil. ALL sides engage in vitriol of all degrees. I own it; can’t you?
I’m happy for you personally, Brad, and I’m sure we’ll never share the same political views. But we don’t have to sling mud at each other, do we?
@jennwhinnem @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing @New England Multimedia There certainly is plenty of vitriol and ignorance from “my” side and Todd Akin is a case in point. I can and do own that. We have our own version of Todd Akin here and I will be happy to vote against him. I’m not even sure I’m not voting third party.
I meant no personal offense to you, and I apologize if I did offend you., Jenn, I’ve enjoyed meeting you in person and interacting on line.and consider you a friend.
@Brad_Lovett @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing @New England Multimedia Thanks Brad. No hard feelings. I’m glad you clarified. HUUGS!
Hey Jayme, The only stress I had today was getting my kids to school on time.
In life, you either have it by the tail, or its wagging you left, right, up, down and all around. It’s all about mindset and gaining control over it. Master this and you can be whole in the midst of emptiness…
When worry, stress and fear takes over your life, you’re no longer living it; it’s riding and driving your emotions right into the ground.
It’s a sucky place to be because you’ll drive right by happiness, fulfillment, contentment, thankfulness, gratitude and just about everything else that’s beautiful in life… What’s worse is our family, kids and loved ones experience the worse parts of your being.
The good news is, you can take control at any moment you come to your senses and realize some mind-crap is taking you for a ride…
It’s not necessary. It’s not worth it. You don’t have to live this way. You only have one life to live; don’t let another day slip by that you’re not totally, 100% in control of your emotions and your state of being. Life can only control these if you give it power to do so.
stop worrying about things you have no control over and take control of the things you can; like living, experiencing and reflecting the quality of life you desire for you and your family today… That’s a good place to start.
Just ignore the rest of the crap you don’t possibly have time for! It’s not easy to build and live the life of your dreams; it will take up all the time you can spare : )
Then start making decisions, whatever they may be, that eliminate your fear (crap) and empowers your journey. Don’t hesitate, just go ahead and do it right now!
Kick life in the butt and get past this already 😛
@Mark_Harai You don’t have a “That.Is.All. for me? Good kick in the pants; well said. Thanks. Spot on.
Hugggsss! Chin up – you’ve got people rooting for ya and who will try to help wherever they can…
@will_lam Hey, Will…you rock for coming over…thanks always.
Moms get 9 months parental leave in Sweden. Dads can take it too. Once you have a permanent job it’s almost impossible to get fired. University education is free. Medical care is free. Public transport works, is cheap, and we have one of the greenest societies in the world. We have a small population. We have a very high standard of living. And still people complain in Sweden. And you know what? I rarely feel the same dynamism you display here and almost on a daily basis in my social streams. Jayme, you are a star!
Ps I worry about my pension. Business owners pay massive massive tax in Sweden.
@jonbuscall I can’t believe that, Jon. That is absolutely astonishing, and I imagine it contributes for peace of mind in the golden years. Tax? Yes, more and more.
I know the feeling. I thought about hanging up my spikes.
@TheJackB I’m going to reference your post (which one you’ll need to wait and see) in today’s post if ever I get off the phone and Skype to get it done.
So much hugs.
I get the same way too. I deeply care for peoples/animals//things ,but at some point I had to start trusting that other people care too. That they will perform little acts of kindness and together we will make things better for everyone, one person at a time. Focusing on utter doom makes everything feel even more doomy.
I find a good counterbalance is to volunteer, be affectionate towards your loved ones, and count your blessings. At least in those moments, I know that I am making a difference. That matters and you matter to Jayme!
I studied health policy for a year at the graduate level. I worry that the issue with politics is that we do little to reward people in the system that are idealists. We tend to be left with the most cynical and they walk all over the sincere.
I’ve met a lot of ex policy wonks that felt the same way I do and turned to marketing and business analysis.
@susansilver Your comment enveloped me in a warm and sincere hug, Susan. I honestly felt it, and that’s your gift to me. Thanks.
I lived in San Francisco during the big quake of ’89. 62 people died, I didn’t know any of them. But neighbors had to leave their homes, and a lot of folks suffered great material losses. I’ll guarantee, it brought people together the way no politicians, or even boom times can.
Jayme, the best thing any of us can do is (1) love thy neighbor, even if you disagree with them and (2) you can’t control what you can’t control, so work on what you can. Trite, but it eases the mind.
And I think it helps bloggers writing block!
@barrettrossie You’re right. And, wow, you saw firsthand how people WILL help people in times of duress. I like your 1 and 2. Makes total sense, Barrett.
I am waiting for another one of the Canadians to respond but alas I must be first. I feel for you in the Land of Opportunity especially during this time where red and blue are such dominant colours (yes, colours and not colors). It’s almost amusing to watch the battle. The mud slinging is palpable.
Jayme, the issues that you struggle with seem to breath life into the political fights between the parties and it does seem like any liberal attitude toward any type of social system is treated with venomous fervor. As a Canadian it astounds me to watch America bleed. There are good, intelligent, loving people like you having to focus and worry about how you are going to take care of your families. Health and wellness should be a priority so that the workforce, the lifeblood, of the country can carry on. The idea that the attitude to avoid paying tax to support a social system that takes care of the health of the assets of country is blindingly odd.
Never mind being proactive. If a healthcare system could focus on proactive or preventative health programs then maybe there would be less of a push to pharmaceutical healthcare which most people cannot afford anyway let alone the side effects that come with medicating a systemic problem that could have been prevented.
Everyone is out to make a buck. What happened to love thy neighbor? He has a gun, so forget that? You should be able to earn a living but at what cost to you?
I am sorry for making these observations and I know there are strong opinions that may hurt but it pains me when I hear about my friends struggling in a system they cannot affect, control or change because positions of power are purely focused on increasing revenue and profit.
Jayme, hugs to you. You are a strong woman and like @Mark_Harai said below, you have got this! You can’t control everything so I agree with @barrettrossie you can only work on what you can control.
Hugs, hugs,hugs and just to wrap it up. Hugs!
@rdopping Dang, I forgot to leave @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing a hug; maybe I can borrow one of yours and send it her way…
I always forget the important stuff!
@Mark_Harai @Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Your just passionate Mark. It’s ok! We know that your heart is in a good place. 🙂
@Mark_Harai @rdopping And, I love that passion, too. Thank you.
@rdopping @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie Interesting point about the workforce. From what I’ve learned from my job, “the way” for liberals to persuade conservatives to support health equity for all is to talk about the impact to workforce – the idea that a healthier workforce is a more productive workforce.
But then you run into – yes, we agree that good health is important, but we don’t think the government should handle that. Instead, the free market will take care of everything, and what about churches and charities? Can’t they help people?
Read a fantastic article that talks to this point: https://dmergent.org/2012/08/13/on-paul-ryan-why-personal-responsibility-and-charitable-giving-arent-enough/ It makes the argument that it will take a big infrastructure to give our society all the support it needs. Churches don’t currently have the infrastructure to handle the need. So why not use the infrastructure – aka the government – that’s already in place? What’s the difference?
I have to admit, it can be hard not to come to the conclusion that conservatives don’t care about people outside of their familial and friendship sphere. I try to fight it but some days are harder than others.
@jennwhinnem @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie I have to agree but also want to point something else out.
There is a ton of power in numbers, right? Politics is decided by votes; numbers. So, if the American people, all 300m of them, can understand that a slight tax increase can benefit them by allowing a social system to offer services focused on the well-being of itself then the result could be transformative change. My fear is that it’s too far gone to change but I do applaud the attempt to introduce that attitude. It demonstrates the care that should be a focus in the political forum.
I have to stop there because I am not interested in challenging anyone’s beliefs. I have faith in my friends here to support each other and truly believe in their ability to persevere no matter the outcome.
@rdopping @jennwhinnem @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie I’d like to be as informed as an economist to attempt to implement positive change and begin at a grassroots level. You know what? Don’t forget that this country is founded on levels of government — the federal level, the state level, the county level, the city level, the municipality/village level. In one state, there could be 200-400 levels of government x 50; OHMY.
@rdopping @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie Hello Ralph,
I respect your desire not to go further. May I suggest that you read _The Political Brain_ ? I’ve read some of it for work and it provides such interesting insight into the American political process around how people respond to political ads and rhetoric. My takeaway was that when one side seeks to educate on how their plan could work, such as your example, all the other side need do is create a snappy negative sound bite and the whole plan falls apart.
At any rate, I appreciate the discussion and the ex-US perspective.
@jennwhinnem @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie Will do! Why have we not been friends up to now (i.e. I so like your line of thinking)?
@rdopping @jennwhinnem @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie And, she is one fine friend with amazingly informed perspective. Ala you.
@rdopping @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie I don’t know! I’ll find you on Twitter.
@rdopping @Mark_Harai @barrettrossie So well said, and amazing sideline viewpoint of this country today. Isn’t it head-shaking to watch? Fear breeds action; well, it does for me. But, acknowledging that fear is what had to come first. You have some wonderful perspective I appreciate, Ralph. Thanks for saying.
I rarely dip my toe into discussions about politics/economics “south of the border”, because, as a Canadian, although there are similarities, my true understanding and knowledge of all that’s going on in the States is limited to what I see on the news: not what I experience directly.
BUT, I think that, universally, we can all struggle with stressors. So first of all – HUGE HUGS ad infinitum. You are supported and loved.
Maybe I’m just lucky, but most (not all) of the time, I choose to focus on the moment. When I was younger and my kids were growing up, I probably worried a lot more about the world they would inherit, concerns about the economy, aging parents. etc. But whether it’s age or “wisdom”, I find it healthiest to do what @barrettrossie said: control what you can control, and realize that beyond that, worrying about it doesn’t make it any better.They say we worry over 90% of the time over things that happen less than 10% of the time, which means all that stressful energy is expended over things that don’t happen. No question about it: when tragedy strikes, it’s tough stuff. I’ve been dealing with a fair share of others’ tragedies, challenges and burdens lately, and I’ve had my share of “down” moments. But I catch myself in those moments, and refuse to allow them to swallow me up. Although HUGS do help. Why didn’t I think of that? :))) Huggin’ you: you #RockHot 🙂 Cheers! Kaarina
@KDillabough @barrettrossie And, usually I do, and I nearly always focus on others who need me, too. It’s so hard sometimes to manage the uncertainty. The hugs from my friends help so much.
Thanks for coming!
@KDillabough @barrettrossie Such a level headed response unlike the other Canadian here who shot his mouth off……again……;-)
@rdopping @barrettrossie You make me laugh:)
BIG Hugs, my friend. I’m sorry you’re overwhelmed by all that surrounds and permeates our daily lives. There is much that is uncertain in this world, but one thing that I am quite certain of is your abilities in life and in business – RockEffinHot! No doubt. Believe that and take it to the bank. You’ll be quite fine. It is your time to shine and you will shine brightly!
@EricaAllison I’m workin’ on it; really! Every now and again I have to spew and this was more than that…sheesh. But, it’s a healthy deliverance about issues each of us is thinking about.
Now, off to get back on high…thanks for stopping in and bet you’re happy those kidlets are back to school!!
Big teddy bear hug!
The things around us tend to overwhelm us but there is one thing my mom always tells me ” You could do things – worry about how crappy the world is and get wrinkles, or try doing your little bit and smile and be happy and get those wrinkles ten years later! Because if everyone works towards that little change, the world really might be a better place.
Keep shining always!