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The Happy Friday Series: Let Go Of Sad

04/12/2013 By Jayme Soulati

What really intrigued me about Jayme’s invitation to write for her Happy Friday series is that for the past couple years I have been on a mission to be more positive. So the first thing I did was scour this wonderful little Happy Friday series she has going and I LOVE it.

One of my favorites was the science of happiness and do-overs by Geoff Reiner. Geoff is in the midst of re-training his brain to be happy, and that’s exactly what I did, but not quite so deliberately and scientifically.

In my mind there are some folks who always have that “glass half full” attitude. I am not one of those people, but I’ve secretly envied them. It took me many, many years to recognize that I come from a family who just seems to see things negatively. There’s always something to worry about, there’s a dark side to everything. Having grown up in that atmosphere, it just seems normal and natural. But when someone points it out to you, then you stop and think.

I thank my husband for being the one to really point this out to me. I honestly didn’t realize how negative my attitude and my outlook could be. I would see faults in people often before I saw positive traits. I’d recognize the down side of a situation without seeing the benefits. For the most part, I was NOT a happy person, even if I seemed it outwardly.

So two years ago, I decided to change that. I bought a journal called “Gratitude” that helped on this journey. Each day had little tips or tricks or positive sayings, or little assignments for the owner to do. For instance, one of the daily assignments was to “find three things that went right in your day and figure out why they went right.”

And so I kept my journal, and made a conscious effort to find and be grateful for little things. I had to teach myself to recognize the positives each day, and even help others see the brighter side of things. Through this, I’ve discovered that sometimes you have to really look for things to be thankful for, but when you do, they’re always there. It also helped me come to a conclusion: happiness doesn’t just happen; it’s something you must choose, and something you have to work at.

And now? I’m SO much happier. I am not saying that every day is a joy, but there are definitely days that would have been much darker if I hadn’t adopted this new approach. It’s still a challenge because it doesn’t come naturally for me. I know I have to make a conscious effort to not dwell on the down side of things and remind myself that it’s important to see the positives in a situation.

If something goes wrong with our house, I now think of how much worse it could have been, and how lucky we are to be able to have this home. Now, when I’m talking to my mother and she’s focusing on the negative, I try to steer her in a more positive direction, rather than wallowing in the negative with her. When my company was having a difficult financial year and said “no raises,” I was thankful I still had a job. When I had a medical issue arise last year, I thought of how much worse it could have been and how lucky I am to have the good health I enjoy.

Through this whole experience, I’ve realized that it’s not how you’re born and raised and it’s not about luck. It’s all in how you look at things and about training your brain to choose the positive, count your blessings, recognize there are things to be grateful for, and find happiness in your everyday life. Because let’s face it… life is way too short to be unhappy.

So, how full is your glass?

About the author

Nancy Jean is a communications and media relations professional now specializing in social media for healthcare. She is currently with the Lifespan health system in Rhode Island, managing social media for five hospitals and a women’s health practice. A lifelong Rhode Islander, she is a mom to two rescue dogs and a diehard Red Sox fan who loves reading, writing, music and the beach. Follow her @NancyCawleyJean.

The Happy Friday Series: How To Find Your Happy

04/05/2013 By Jayme Soulati

Credit: Amber-Lee Dibble, Alaska Chick

Taking a deep breath, pulling the crisp, clean air into you, filling you, pushing all the dark and insanely busy out.

Taking another, wiping the smudge of all the small and seemingly unimportant issues and little dramas of life, away.

Breathing deeply and freely now, just in and out, until you can feel the chill of the air in every part of you, from your fingertips to the organs inside, clean and fresh.

There it is. I found my happy. As I look around, I realize that everything else is extra. The air. The mountains and the river.

What I am curious about is, am I so different than everyone else? Am I especially blessed? Is it simply being aware of what my purpose is that makes it so easy to find my happy?

How Do You Find Your Happy?

The #RockHot Jayme Soulati started the Happy Friday series and in doing so has brought many smiles to many faces over the last few months. The talented writers that have written the posts we have all enjoyed are a blessing.

They have also made me think strongly about why we are focusing so hard on happiness. The reason I would say such a thing is…

Shouldn’t happiness come easily to us all? We have read these posts and know that happiness isn’t money or possessions.

We all know that happiness, giving it and receiving it, can be as simple, and as precious, as a smile.

And, we all know that as bloggers, we tend to write about what people need.

My question is why do we need help finding our happy?

As I read and research and study, day in and day out I have taken note of a few quotes that may help you find your happy.

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” ~ Voltaire

“Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.” ~ Roy Goodman

“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” ~ Joseph Addison

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” ~J.M. Barrie

“Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.” ~Karl Barth

…and of course, my favorite…

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” ~ John Muir

Credit: Amber-Lee Dibble, Pioneer Outfitters

I know how much simply “trying” wears a person down. I understand that certain sadnesses cannot be unfelt.

But finding your happy? Maybe, just maybe, if you stood still (only for a moment) and breathed and remembered what made you happy the last time… it could fill you again, if you let it.

My hopes and wishes are for you to find your happy (if it seems to be missing). Remember this, as you search for your own…. you are not alone. I’m here. 🙂

About the Author

Amber-Lee Dibble, aka Alaska Chick’s Blog, is a Professional Alaska Guide and Manager at Pioneer Outfitters. Find and chat with Amber-Lee and Pioneer Outfitters on FaceBook , on Twitter as @AlaskaChickBlog or on LinkedIn as Amber-Lee Dibble.

The Happy Friday Series: Be The Sun And Serve

03/29/2013 By Jayme Soulati

“Mommy, you have to come with us! It’s so fun. Please!”

We lived on Shady Lane, and the shade was profound. I was making it through the days as best I could but truth be told I was struggling.

I needed light desperately. Sunlight.

So, I dressed my tired body and trudged to Tree Hill down the street and bordering the pond. The kids were racing ahead, and I thought about warning them that I wasn’t going to last long, so hurry up and get done with this joyful experience you’re convinced I’m going to have. But I didn’t.

We reached the top of the path and came out of the woods onto a bare hill drenched in warming sunlight. I sat down and nearly cried. I sat and sat and sat and dreaded going home to the darkness. I spent a lot of time at Tree Hill while we lived on Shady Lane, needless to say.

You might think that this post is about getting outside and basking in the sun, collecting your vitamin D for the day.

It’s not.

It’s about being the sun for someone else.

Being On Edge

Let me share with you how I felt the other day in order to explain it better.

I was on edge. The edge. All I could focus on was the sleep I wasn’t getting and I was not a happy camper.

What do you do when you feel like that?

I considered the typical options, but nothing appealed to me. I was sinking deeper into the mire of misery…in the breeding ground of boredom…that was being fueled by extreme fatigue.

“Call Lois.” That was a strange and unexpected thought. It bordered on annoying because all I really wanted to do was sleep.

Lois is in her late eighties, early nineties. I haven’t seen her for a while. I’d thought of her at least three times in two days. But I had no reason to call her. We used to visit a lot and talk about genealogy and her dogs.

So I picked up the phone and called her. Her phone was disconnected. So, I called her daughter. Her phone was disconnected, too. All of a sudden I was concerned about Lois and her family. Where were they? How was she? Was there something they might need?

I reflected for a second on what had happened and giggled. I hadn’t even done anything more than start thinking about someone else and I’d started to feel better.

I’d sort of been like the sun.

The energy inside of me was released outward to touch someone else’s life and suddenly, somehow, I was brighter.

Showing up in life and giving what we can in the moments that we share makes us all a part of life’s warming rays for the people who show up at the same time. We choose whether or not to give our light or to withhold it.

I get it. Sometimes we’re tired. But maybe we’re not so much physically tired but emotionally fatigued because we haven’t been able to really connect with other people in meaningful ways.

Maybe we expect too much return on our investment of time and energy.

Maybe we are thinking “what’s in it for me?”

It’s About Service

There are some things I know about service:

A need is a need, and others’ needs come at inconvenient times.
People don’t wake up (typically) and plan to have an accident, lose their job, or have their house burn down, or struggle with depression, etc.
When we are the poorest we’ve ever been, a neighbor, a friend, or a stranger’s lack will remind us that we still have something to give.
The need for service doesn’t sleep. It doesn’t wait for us to feel refreshed and chipper. We are needed now. Sleep is for later.
Service blesses us more than the served if we do it like the sun shines its rays- with no expectation of thanks.
There will always be someone else that we can think of who is more able than we are at any given moment or in any situation who could do what is needed better. But they might think of someone else, too. There are no guarantees that the car behind us will stop to give aid to the person we just passed. We can at least stop to ask how we can help. Right?
There is no better short-cut to joy than thinking about how we can help someone else whether it be a smile, a hug, a “thank you”, an anonymous donation, or random kindness like shoveling their snowbound walkway.

I’ll leave you with a favorite quote of mine along with the hope for you to find the happiness that serving others brings.

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

About The Author

Betsy Cross is a prolific blogger at What If Today and Remember. She is accessible all over the Interwebz on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest.

The Happy Friday Series: Science of Happiness and Do-Overs

03/08/2013 By Jayme Soulati

happiness1 The concept of happiness has always been something that has fascinated me. So when the opportunity came up to contribute to The Happy Friday Series, I got really happy (true story)! And as always, I wanted to take an unconventional approach. So today I’m going to pull up my suspenders, tie on my favorite bowtie and talk to you about the science of happiness.

Positive Psychology

In a recent TED talk, Shawn Achor presents an interesting thought.

“It’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. If we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness but we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time.”

My Interpretation

What I gather from this thought is that happiness is defined by our own interpretations and beliefs. If we can change how we interpret situations and adopt new beliefs, we can essentially become happier.

Achor continues his talk on the science of happiness with a few exercises. When completed every day for 21 days, the following tasks will actually train your brain to scan the world for the positive and ultimately help you become happier.

3 Gratitudes – documenting 3 new gratitudes daily
Journaling – reflecting on your positive experiences
Exercise – training your body that behavior matters
Meditation – allowing yourself to experience your thoughts
Random Acts of Kindness – complete one random act of kindness daily

This fascinates me for many reasons. First, I’m in the middle of my own 21 day experiment and have noticed far more things going my way. People I regularly interact with have commented on my increased positive mood and I seem to be attracting much happier people!

Being a bit of a nerd, I researched these 5 tasks and found something we at Clarity for the Boss like to call the “do-over.”

The Do-Over

Remember when you were a kid and you made a mistake, your parents would often ask you “What could you have done differently?” or “What did you learn from this situation?” That’s exactly what a do-over is.

When you allow your brain to revisit a situation (through meditation), and you document (journaling) new and positive learning outcomes from the situation, your brain can’t differentiate between the past misinterpreted situation that you experienced and the do-over situation that you created.

The do-over allows your brain to create new interpretations of the situation and adopt new beliefs. Then when you find yourself in a similar situation where you may have previously misinterpreted a circumstance, your brain can recognize this as a new opportunity, interpret the situation as positive (or scan for the positive) and help you become happier.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why I think happiness is awesome! This means we can actually train our brain to identify positive experiences or reframe situations to be positive, and overall become happier!

So What?

As I said, I’m in the middle of a 21-day experiment and have noticed my happiness to be much greater. And I practice the concept of do-overs all the time.

Do-overs started with personal reflection and journaling for a few minutes before bed. Although I have continued with journaling, I am in a position now where I constantly reframe situations whenever I feel myself getting angry, or not scanning for the positive.

I urge you to incorporate these very simple tasks into your daily life. Seriously! That’s what The Happy Friday Series is all about!

And what do you have to lose?

About The Author

Geoff Reiner writes at Geoff Reiner.com loves helping entrepreneurs and business owners see their business through a different lens. By asking difficult questions and providing a new perspective, he promotes personal growth and allows others to realize and unlock their full potential.

The Happy Friday Series: Should Life Be Serious?

03/01/2013 By Jayme Soulati

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

~ Brendan Gill

Read that again. Roll it around in your head for a moment. Let it sink in.

Brendon Gill (1914 – 1997) was a writer at The New Yorker for more than sixty years. I have yet to read any of his articles or books (though I have his non-fiction work, Here at The New Yorker, on hold at my local library), but that quote has always stuck with me. When Jayme asked me to write a guest blog, it was one of the first things that popped into my head.

What if life really isn’t meant to be serious?

What if we’re missing the whole point?

I was especially delighted with Jayme’s invitation to the Happy Friday Series because she and I met over a conversation about happiness. It was 2009 and, as part of my pitch to win a writing contest with a “good mood” theme, I put together a fundraiser. Jayme was one of the very few people who stepped up to participate. We were complete strangers, and yet she raised her hand and got involved.

All these years later (Has it really been FOUR years?!?!), we are still friends; and – apparently – we are both still interested in happiness.

Happiness is a funny thing. Everyone professes to be pursuing it, but so many people seem afraid to express it. There’s a strange stigma attached to happy people. I wrote about this in a post on my marketing blog about the power of enthusiasm, “Sadly, happy people are often looked down upon … We assume that they must be missing something. We’re suspicious of people who smile too much. What image comes to mind when I say ‘village idiot.’ How about the expression ‘grinning like the cat that ate the canary’? See what I mean?”

People who seem too happy are often labeled as being “not quite all there.” We are more willing to trust cynics and pessimists. Something in our culture has trained us to elevate the worth of opinions that are based in negativity and doubt the veracity of the happy.

Let’s stop that.
Let’s start a new trend of trusting happy people.
Let’s make it acceptable to show your happiness.
Let’s dare to be happy ourselves.

Can you imagine the possible ripple effect?

Here is a video I originally shared on the blog where Jayme and I met four years ago. It’s guaranteed to make you smile. I hope you’ll share it far and wide and set some happiness in motion today.

P.S. Here’s one more bit of Brendan Gill wisdom, “The first rule of life is to have a good time. The second rule is to hurt as few people as possible. There is no third rule.”

Go forth and be happy.

Jamie Wallace is an award-winning copywriter and marketing strategist by day, an aspiring author by night, and a mom and hopeless romantic 24/7. Find her at suddenlymarketing.com or on Twitter @suddenlyjamie.

Image Credit: Image of dog by J. Star

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