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The Happy Friday Series: Let Go Of Sad

04/12/2013 By Jayme Soulati

sad.jpgWhat really intrigued me about Jayme’s invitation to write for her Happy Friday series is that for the past couple years I have been on a mission to be more positive. So the first thing I did was scour this wonderful little Happy Friday series she has going and I LOVE it.

One of my favorites was the science of happiness and do-overs by Geoff Reiner. Geoff is in the midst of re-training his brain to be happy, and that’s exactly what I did, but not quite so deliberately and scientifically.

In my mind there are some folks who always have that “glass half full” attitude. I am not one of those people, but I’ve secretly envied them. It took me many, many years to recognize that I come from a family who just seems to see things negatively. There’s always something to worry about, there’s a dark side to everything. Having grown up in that atmosphere, it just seems normal and natural. But when someone points it out to you, then you stop and think.

I thank my husband for being the one to really point this out to me. I honestly didn’t realize how negative my attitude and my outlook could be. I would see faults in people often before I saw positive traits. I’d recognize the down side of a situation without seeing the benefits. For the most part, I was NOT a happy person, even if I seemed it outwardly.

So two years ago, I decided to change that. I bought a journal called “Gratitude” that helped on this journey. Each day had little tips or tricks or positive sayings, or little assignments for the owner to do. For instance, one of the daily assignments was to “find three things that went right in your day and figure out why they went right.”

And so I kept my journal, and made a conscious effort to find and be grateful for little things. I had to teach myself to recognize the positives each day, and even help others see the brighter side of things. Through this, I’ve discovered that sometimes you have to really look for things to be thankful for, but when you do, they’re always there. It also helped me come to a conclusion: happiness doesn’t just happen; it’s something you must choose, and something you have to work at.

And now? I’m SO much happier. I am not saying that every day is a joy, but there are definitely days that would have been much darker if I hadn’t adopted this new approach. It’s still a challenge because it doesn’t come naturally for me. I know I have to make a conscious effort to not dwell on the down side of things and remind myself that it’s important to see the positives in a situation.

If something goes wrong with our house, I now think of how much worse it could have been, and how lucky we are to be able to have this home. Now, when I’m talking to my mother and she’s focusing on the negative, I try to steer her in a more positive direction, rather than wallowing in the negative with her. When my company was having a difficult financial year and said “no raises,” I was thankful I still had a job. When I had a medical issue arise last year, I thought of how much worse it could have been and how lucky I am to have the good health I enjoy.

Through this whole experience, I’ve realized that it’s not how you’re born and raised and it’s not about luck. It’s all in how you look at things and about training your brain to choose the positive, count your blessings, recognize there are things to be grateful for, and find  happiness in your everyday life. Because let’s face it… life is way too short to be unhappy.

So, how full is your glass?

About the author

Nancy Jean is a communications and media relations professional now specializing in social media for healthcare. She is currently with the Lifespan health system in Rhode Island, managing social media for five hospitals and a women’s health practice. A lifelong Rhode Islander, she is a mom to two rescue dogs and a diehard Red Sox fan who loves reading, writing, music and the beach. Follow her @NancyCawleyJean.

 

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  • The Happy Friday Series: Smiles From Alaska
  • The Happy Friday Series: Embrace Happiness Today!
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Filed Under: Happy Friday Series Tagged With: Geoff Reiner, happiness, Happy Friday, Positive psychology, Rhode Island, Social Media

The Happy Friday Series: Science of Happiness and Do-Overs

03/08/2013 By Jayme Soulati

happiness1The concept of happiness has always been something that has fascinated me. So when the opportunity came up to contribute to The Happy Friday Series, I got really happy (true story)!  And as always, I wanted to take an unconventional approach.  So today I’m going to pull up my suspenders, tie on my favorite bowtie and talk to you about the science of happiness.

Positive Psychology

In a recent TED talk, Shawn Achor presents an interesting thought.

“It’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. If we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness but we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time.”

My Interpretation

What I gather from this thought is that happiness is defined by our own interpretations and beliefs.  If we can change how we interpret situations and adopt new beliefs, we can essentially become happier.

Achor continues his talk on the science of happiness with a few exercises. When completed every day for 21 days, the following tasks will actually train your brain to scan the world for the positive and ultimately help you become happier.

  • 3 Gratitudes – documenting 3 new gratitudes daily
  • Journaling – reflecting on your positive experiences
  • Exercise – training your body that behavior matters
  • Meditation – allowing yourself to experience your thoughts
  • Random Acts of Kindness – complete one random act of kindness daily

This fascinates me for many reasons. First, I’m in the middle of my own 21 day experiment and have noticed far more things going my way. People I regularly interact with have commented on my increased positive mood and I seem to be attracting much happier people!

Being a bit of a nerd, I researched these 5 tasks and found something we at Clarity for the Boss like to call the “do-over.”

The Do-Over

Remember when you were a kid and you made a mistake, your parents would often ask you “What could you have done differently?” or “What did you learn from this situation?” That’s exactly what a do-over is.

When you allow your brain to revisit a situation (through meditation), and you document (journaling) new and positive learning outcomes from the situation, your brain can’t differentiate between the past misinterpreted situation that you experienced and the do-over situation that you created.

The do-over allows your brain to create new interpretations of the situation and adopt new beliefs. Then when you find yourself in a similar situation where you may have previously misinterpreted a circumstance, your brain can recognize this as a new opportunity, interpret the situation as positive (or scan for the positive) and help you become happier.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why I think happiness is awesome!  This means we can actually train our brain to identify positive experiences or reframe situations to be positive, and overall become happier!

So What?

As I said, I’m in the middle of a 21-day experiment and have noticed my happiness to be much greater. And I practice the concept of do-overs all the time.

Do-overs started with personal reflection and journaling for a few minutes before bed. Although I have continued with journaling, I am in a position now where I constantly reframe situations whenever I feel myself getting angry, or not scanning for the positive.

I urge you to incorporate these very simple tasks into your daily life. Seriously! That’s what The Happy Friday Series is all about!

And what do you have to lose?

 

About The Author

Geoff Reiner writes at Geoff Reiner.com loves helping entrepreneurs and business owners see their business through a different lens. By asking difficult questions and providing a new perspective, he promotes personal growth and allows others to realize and unlock their full potential.

Related articles
  • The Happy Friday Series: Smiles From Alaska
  • The Happy Friday Series: Power Of A Smile
  • The Happiness Guru: Shawn Achor
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Filed Under: Happy Friday Series Tagged With: Business, happiness, Happy Friday Series, Positive psychology, Random act of kindness, Shawn Achor, TED (conference)

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