What really intrigued me about Jayme’s invitation to write for her Happy Friday series is that for the past couple years I have been on a mission to be more positive. So the first thing I did was scour this wonderful little Happy Friday series she has going and I LOVE it.
One of my favorites was the science of happiness and do-overs by Geoff Reiner. Geoff is in the midst of re-training his brain to be happy, and that’s exactly what I did, but not quite so deliberately and scientifically.
In my mind there are some folks who always have that “glass half full” attitude. I am not one of those people, but I’ve secretly envied them. It took me many, many years to recognize that I come from a family who just seems to see things negatively. There’s always something to worry about, there’s a dark side to everything. Having grown up in that atmosphere, it just seems normal and natural. But when someone points it out to you, then you stop and think.
I thank my husband for being the one to really point this out to me. I honestly didn’t realize how negative my attitude and my outlook could be. I would see faults in people often before I saw positive traits. I’d recognize the down side of a situation without seeing the benefits. For the most part, I was NOT a happy person, even if I seemed it outwardly.
So two years ago, I decided to change that. I bought a journal called “Gratitude” that helped on this journey. Each day had little tips or tricks or positive sayings, or little assignments for the owner to do. For instance, one of the daily assignments was to “find three things that went right in your day and figure out why they went right.”
And so I kept my journal, and made a conscious effort to find and be grateful for little things. I had to teach myself to recognize the positives each day, and even help others see the brighter side of things. Through this, I’ve discovered that sometimes you have to really look for things to be thankful for, but when you do, they’re always there. It also helped me come to a conclusion: happiness doesn’t just happen; it’s something you must choose, and something you have to work at.
And now? I’m SO much happier. I am not saying that every day is a joy, but there are definitely days that would have been much darker if I hadn’t adopted this new approach. It’s still a challenge because it doesn’t come naturally for me. I know I have to make a conscious effort to not dwell on the down side of things and remind myself that it’s important to see the positives in a situation.
If something goes wrong with our house, I now think of how much worse it could have been, and how lucky we are to be able to have this home. Now, when I’m talking to my mother and she’s focusing on the negative, I try to steer her in a more positive direction, rather than wallowing in the negative with her. When my company was having a difficult financial year and said “no raises,” I was thankful I still had a job. When I had a medical issue arise last year, I thought of how much worse it could have been and how lucky I am to have the good health I enjoy.
Through this whole experience, I’ve realized that it’s not how you’re born and raised and it’s not about luck. It’s all in how you look at things and about training your brain to choose the positive, count your blessings, recognize there are things to be grateful for, and find happiness in your everyday life. Because let’s face it… life is way too short to be unhappy.
So, how full is your glass?
About the author
Nancy Jean is a communications and media relations professional now specializing in social media for healthcare. She is currently with the Lifespan health system in Rhode Island, managing social media for five hospitals and a women’s health practice. A lifelong Rhode Islander, she is a mom to two rescue dogs and a diehard Red Sox fan who loves reading, writing, music and the beach. Follow her @NancyCawleyJean.
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I’m one of those “full glass” people. I find it exhausting to be depressed and down and I try to spread my sunshine and joy where I see fit. (note – I am NOT one of those annoying bouncy, bubbly people though). In our family of 5, we are all positive except for my oldest daughter who somehow is an “empty glass” person and it just blows my mind. It’s made me realize that people really are born one way or the other and I work with her all the time to find the positive side of the situation. Not sure if it’s working yet, but I’ll keep trying because it’s all in how we approach things, isn’t it?
KristenDaukas My daughter is my sister, RIP. Exact opposite of me; splitting hairs, precise, loving Taekwando and I cannot conform to that rigidity. Right now at 11, I’m seeing the trouble I’m going to have.
Bubbly? Hmm, I think effervescent is a better word? How did bubbly get such a bad connotation?
When we met, I thought you were pretty fun!!
So, did I already invite you to write here? Please do…when you can. Thanks for coming over, Kristen!
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing KristenDaukas I would LOVE to read Kristen’s post on the Happy Friday series!! Jayme, I knew you couldn’t conform to rigidity when you said you didn’t keep lists. LOL!
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing KristenDaukas No.. I’m referring to those people who just bounce around all happy, all the time like they’re getting ready to break out in a real life version of High School Musical. I’m close but I do have my moments where I’m normal or grumpy 🙂
KristenDaukas I think people are really fortunate to have that full glass outlook, Kristen. I hope your positive attitutde can help your daughter to be more like you, because it can be done! All my best, and thanks for taking the time to read the post. Here’s to a wonderful day!
NancyCawleyJean It was a great post and kudos to you for being so diligent to be happy. It’s a good place to be 🙂
KristenDaukas NancyCawleyJean I edited out the section where Nancy said this was a challenging thing for her to write…revealing a side of her she’s never really wanted to.
I applaud her, and I’m so happy she felt comfortable enough to do so in my house.
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing KristenDaukas NancyCawleyJean Thank you Kristen and Jayme! People like you make it a lot easier.
I heard being a Sox fan was one of the primary causes for being sad, bitter and negative, but I could be wrong. 😉
Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes Nope, you’re absolutely right. B/c I’m a Cub fan from the Northside…or were you talking about the other Sox?
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes After visiting Wrigley Field and knowing the sage of the Cubs, I too am a fan. 😉
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Cubs fans are even crankier than Sox fans. As I said on Twitter yesterday, Tinker, Evers and Chance aren’t coming back. Hack Wilson is dead and so are the chances of the cubs winning the series. 😉
Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes Well that’s an excellent point, but it comes with the territory of being a Red Sox Fan. LOL! Thanks for reading!
Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes You’re totally voted off the Happy Kristen Island. Go, Go, White Sox.
KristenDaukas Bad Bad Leroy Brown was a Sox fan and look what happened to him.
Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes Leroy was my hero. And he could play a mean guitar. Just like Buddy Guy. And Buddy’s bar is NOT on the north side of chicago. 😉
KristenDaukas Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes Yeah, it’s called Legends on the South Side, and I’ve been there…kinda a ratty ‘hood.
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing KristenDaukas Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes We used to go there and Rosa’s all the time. Let the tourists have Kingston Mines 😉 Although I would take the mines right about now..
KristenDaukas Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes I hit the Kingston Mines when I was there!
My glass is leaving rings every place I set it down.
Nancy, this is great. I found myself nodding in agreement with you as I read this post, I too, no matter what it looked like, was not happy. And I changed my mind, just like you and Geoff did. It is a conscious decision. There really is so much to be grateful for, and like you, I started with gratitude and a gratitude journal.
Every single day is a gift, even as sick as my house has been these last few days, and every day is a gift that I never truly believed I would experience. I will not waste these blessed days, blind or deaf. Every kind word and sweet smile is bundled up into a happy bubble which I try to pass along to someone else.
Happy Friday!!
AlaskaChickBlog Hi Amber! I loved your post and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your comments!! It’s always great to meet someone else who thinks like you, isn’t it? Even if we ARE a country apart. Have a GREAT, happy day!! I’m following your blog now too. YAY! Great to connect.
AlaskaChickBlog And, Friend, I hope today is a better day with the illness plaguing your humble home. I was just there, as you know, and I thought I was going to erupt in frustration for not being well. So sorry.
Thanks for coming over to honor our sister in this series; see you soon.
Nancy, thank-you for sharing your journey to joy with us! I would never have imagined you to be anything BUT cheerful, optimistic, and positive. You definitely shine that kind of light.