Happy Friday Series Archives - Page 8 of 11

The Happy Friday Series: What’s So Great About Being Happy?

05/03/2013 By Jayme Soulati

Credit: gurpreetlife.blogspot.com

A little while ago, I participated in a stimulating conversation in this very series . Besides the great conversation, I was really struck by what a good idea this whole series is.

We have so much. Collectively, we are wealthier, healthier and better educated than at any other time in human history and yet, anxiety and depression are rising at alarming rates. The World Health Organisation predicts that by 2020, depression will be the second leading cause of disability.

Perhaps this is stating the obvious but I don’t think we’ve taken “happiness” seriously enough. We value rational intelligence and hard work. We certainly link “seriousness” to success. When people are taking their jobs, their lives and themselves really seriously, then we know they are committed and will go far.

Well, maybe. But at what cost? I don’t mean just the obvious negative impact of stress on our health. I’m actually talking about the collateral damage caused when we take everything so very seriously.

We don’t have time for common courtesy. We spend less time with friends and family. We point fingers and obsess about things we can’t do anything about. We take our stress and frustration and outrage out on those around us, either consciously or just in how we are in the world. I am in no way pointing fingers here. I know we do this because I do this.

What we focus on grows. If we spend a whole pile of time ruminating on what is wrong, the barriers between us and what we want, how wrong everyone else is, how unfair, cold and unsafe the world is, in time, that is all we see.

What’s Great About Being Happy

Here’s what is so great about being happy; when you’re happy, you believe you have choices. Having a choice gives you some measure of control in any situation. Recently, I read a post over on Susan Mazza’s blog that illustrates this point beautifully.

Susan was telling a story about a leader, Jim, who needed to deal with an employee who was obviously not happy at work. Jim had lots of options available to him. He could have gotten angry because the employee was just too lazy to work. Jim could have chosen to feel guilty because obviously, he must be a poor manager or the employee would be happy. Jim could have chosen to feel betrayed because he had trusted the employee.

Instead, Jim chose to accept the employee was unhappy in his work. He gave the employee contact information for 2 good recruiting firms. Jim told him that if he wanted to leave, these firms would help him. Jim didn’t want to lose the employee but he accepted the situation anyway. It was in that action – accepting the situation – that Jim levered happiness.

However you define happiness, people who experience life through a more positive than negative lens, tend to be more healthy, resilient and whole. Living life grounded in joy doesn’t stop stuff from happening. It also doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye. Quite the opposite. Being grounded in joy enables us to cope with the tragedy, pain and every day frustrations that are a part of life.

Beyond this really excellent weekly series, here are a couple of other happiness resources:

Shawn Achor’s TED Talk, “The Happiness Advantage”
The Happiness Project

Jayme, thanks so much for refocusing us on the power of happiness and for inviting me to contribute to such a worthwhile conversation.

About The Author

Sharon Gilmour-Glover is an experienced consultant, speaker and teacher specializing in leadership, strategy and change management. She leads an organization called Clarity For The Boss, and her wonderful business blog is right here.

The Happy Friday Series: Five Seconds And Happy

04/26/2013 By Jayme Soulati

Credit: Brian Meeks, Author

Generally, the last five seconds of the 29th minute of the 10th hour every day are, at best, much like all the rest. Not for me, though. I can tell you what I was doing during those five seconds every Tuesday through Sunday for the last year.

I work in a wholly unremarkable cafe in mid-town.

The list of things I know about her could fit on the side of a coffee cup. She has green eyes. Her hair, black, has gone from short to shoulder length and back. She doesn’t have a favorite coffee, as far as I can tell. Some of the regulars mix it up from time to time, but her order is always a wild card.

The first week I thought she might be a lawyer because of the suits, but then there were shorts, dresses, and once, a gorilla outfit. I asked her, “Are you an actress?”

She said, “No, I’m a gorilla.”

She once wore a black burka and followed it up the next day with a pink one.

She sits in the same booth, if it is available, sets her coffee to the side and looks at her watch. When it is time she closes her eyes, inhales slowly and then exhales. She opens her eyes and that is that. She sometimes reads the paper, does a Sudoku, types away on her laptop, or just stares out the window.

In March and April the sun light floods the booth and her olive skin speaks of angels. It doesn’t matter if I have a customer, I spend those five, precious, favorite seconds, watching her singular breath. The world goes quiet and for 4.9 seconds I can’t look away.

Today, a year of curiosity, distant admiration, and modest stalking came to an end. After the inhale, for no reason, her head turned slightly and she opened her eyes. She caught me. We spent the next 2.5 seconds just looking at one another. It could have been magical, had the next 30 seconds not been a decent into chaos.
***********

What happens next? Meh, we may never know.

What we have here is an example of what makes me happy. It isn’t the story on the whole (or part, as the case may be), but a singular moment within. A moment that the reader never sees. It is between the author and the narrator.

It is a point where the narrator slips something in the writer didn’t see coming, much to both their delights.

That moment…that sneaky little unprepared bit of writing that leaps forward and fills one with the excitement of a first kiss? It is pure joy.

When I read a book I judge it by the number of times I am forced to set it down and marvel at a singular finely crafted passage. Elmore Leonard consistently provides five or more such moments. A good writer will offer up three delicious morsels and I will be fed.

Are you curious? Would you like to know, specifically, where in those 345 words I experience writing euphoria?

Okay, I’ll tell you.

I had thought about this little scene two days ago, while driving from Iowa City to Martelle. All of it, except one part. When I typed, “Are you an actress?” she had, in every instance that I’d imagined it, said, “No.” That was all.

The “I’m a gorilla,” just sort of showed up. It made me chuckle. Did you laugh? I hope so.

But it wasn’t just a laugh line that was the source, it was all that one infers about the type of person who would come up with such an answer. It speaks to her intelligence, as one couldn’t imagine a dullard being so quick. It shows a confidence in what wasn’t said afterwards.

Most people would feel compelled to explain, to answer the unsaid questions, “Why are you wearing a gorilla costume?” but not her. She is quite content to leave it at literal. It is playful and mysterious and, if I may be so bold, sexy as hell.

Is there more to the story? Yes, sure there is. I don’t know what it might be and it may never come to the page, but it’s out there.

****************

Did you enjoy my writing? If so, I’d love to have you as a reader. You can find me at Extremely Average! I write novels as serials.

That is what makes me happy.

Oh, and one more thing. People who subscribe to my blog. They make me doubly happy.

About The Author

Brian Meeks writes a blog at Extremely Average, and his Henry Wood Detective Agency books are published and for sale in paperback and also ebook. He’s been hawking his second book on a blog tour and doing a mighty fine job of it: Check out his Amazon second book.

Official Brian Meeks bio: He is a graduate of Iowa State University with a degree in Economics. He has also written a book about the 1986-87 Iowa Hawkeyes Men’s basketball team titled, Two Decades and Counting: the Streak, the Wins, the Hawkeyes Thru the Eyes of Roy Marble.

The Happy Friday Series: A Chat With Pooh

04/19/2013 By Jayme Soulati

“If I’m going to write about happy,” I explained, “I want that writing to lift the reader to that place – a happy place.”

“Who’s happy?” Pooh asked sympathetically. “Where does happy live?”

“I don’t know – exactly,” I answered.

Pooh looked at me suspiciously.

“You don’t know happy?”

“Happy’s not a person. It’s a thing. It’s a place. It’s how you make me feel. Sometimes. Like when you listen to me – quietly.”

Pooh smiled.

“It’s how the laughter and squeals of children make me feel,” I continued. “Johnny’s smile. Or the first glimpse of a rainbow.

A red, red cardinal chirping good morning to me. A flash of a firefly’s glow on a summer night. The roar of a Porsche at 6000 RPMs.”

“All that?” Pooh asked with surprise and wide-open eyes.

“All that and more,” I enthusiastically answered Pooh – and continued.

“Those first, cautious sips from a hot cup of perfectly brewed coffee – smooth, caramel and uplifting. That brings me to a happy place. Or the fragrant, citrus spray of a bit of orange peel squeezed gently, slowly under the nose.

A morsel of milk chocolate lightly seasoned with hand-harvested sea salt. Fresh bed sheets that were hung outside on a clothesline. These are just a few of my favorite things…

Or the gift of a friend. A lover. Or a stranger. The gift of themselves, their attention and their presence. Priceless!

“Oh! That’s a lot of things,” Pooh said with a heavy sigh. “How much will the postage cost?”

“I don’t know,” I replied as I tried to ignore the implications of Pooh’s question.

Pooh insisted.

“How are you going to get all that stuff here, sorted and portioned? And, then, how are you going to get it all to all of them?”

“I don’t know,” I replied again – but I knew Pooh was right.

Then it came to me – a clever solution. A Joycean epiphany.

“I’ll send it all – all of it and every wonderful detail – in a suggestion,” I told Pooh with excitement.

“And I’ll seal it in a smile.”

Pooh looked at me with suspicion, again.

“That’s… That’s crazy!” blurted Pooh.

“Not as crazy as having a conversation with a stuffed bear…”

Pooh nodded agreement and laughed – in my imagination.

But the real Pooh was actually thinking of something else – a problem that I hadn’t considered.

“But what if they don’t want to go to a happy place?

What if they need to be in the place where they are? A sad place, a serious place or an angry place?”

Pooh had me stumped again.

“Sometimes, we need to be in other places,” Pooh explained.

“Because that’s how we understand and grow – different kinds of learning happen in different places.”

I nodded in silent agreement.

Now, what am I going to do? I wondered to myself.

“I suppose that as long as it’s just a suggestion,” Pooh conceded, “they can take it or leave it. Or better still, they can take it like a gift card; they can redeem it at their convenience; they can visit a happy place whenever they want/like.”

I let out a loud sigh of relief.

“You are a very clever bear,” I said.

“Isn’t that why you talked with me, today?” Pooh asked and grinned.

“To be honest, Pooh, Horton was busy…”

“Horton who?” Pooh asked.

“Horton and the who are two different things. But Horton – if you must know – was busy with a who,” I answered him and lit a cigarette.

“I see,” said a grumpy Pooh.

“Does Horton like and share all your FaceBook posts about Doctor Who, The Walking Dead, and your fan fiction?”

Michonne of The Walking Dead

“No…” I answered.

“But, I’m not as important as Horton,” he added.

“But you are!” I assured him and laughed.

“I was teasing you. Of course, you are important to me, Pooh.”

“I don’t like that kind of teasing,” Pooh replied.

“I’m sorry, Pooh…”

“Don’t do it again,” he warned as he pushed the potato with my face painted on it – off the balcony rail.

Stan Faryna Potato Face

About The Author

Stan Faryna is currently digging 100s of square feet of flower beds for lilies, yarrow, milkweed, and butterfly bushes in his service to Creation. The butterflies, fireflies and hummingbirds should be pleased come summer. Just returned to the US from a long stay in Europe, he’s available for consulting on online strategy, start ups and game development. He’s @faryna on Twitter. He blogs deep here.

Stan Faryna

The Happy Friday Series: Let Go Of Sad

04/12/2013 By Jayme Soulati

What really intrigued me about Jayme’s invitation to write for her Happy Friday series is that for the past couple years I have been on a mission to be more positive. So the first thing I did was scour this wonderful little Happy Friday series she has going and I LOVE it.

One of my favorites was the science of happiness and do-overs by Geoff Reiner. Geoff is in the midst of re-training his brain to be happy, and that’s exactly what I did, but not quite so deliberately and scientifically.

In my mind there are some folks who always have that “glass half full” attitude. I am not one of those people, but I’ve secretly envied them. It took me many, many years to recognize that I come from a family who just seems to see things negatively. There’s always something to worry about, there’s a dark side to everything. Having grown up in that atmosphere, it just seems normal and natural. But when someone points it out to you, then you stop and think.

I thank my husband for being the one to really point this out to me. I honestly didn’t realize how negative my attitude and my outlook could be. I would see faults in people often before I saw positive traits. I’d recognize the down side of a situation without seeing the benefits. For the most part, I was NOT a happy person, even if I seemed it outwardly.

So two years ago, I decided to change that. I bought a journal called “Gratitude” that helped on this journey. Each day had little tips or tricks or positive sayings, or little assignments for the owner to do. For instance, one of the daily assignments was to “find three things that went right in your day and figure out why they went right.”

And so I kept my journal, and made a conscious effort to find and be grateful for little things. I had to teach myself to recognize the positives each day, and even help others see the brighter side of things. Through this, I’ve discovered that sometimes you have to really look for things to be thankful for, but when you do, they’re always there. It also helped me come to a conclusion: happiness doesn’t just happen; it’s something you must choose, and something you have to work at.

And now? I’m SO much happier. I am not saying that every day is a joy, but there are definitely days that would have been much darker if I hadn’t adopted this new approach. It’s still a challenge because it doesn’t come naturally for me. I know I have to make a conscious effort to not dwell on the down side of things and remind myself that it’s important to see the positives in a situation.

If something goes wrong with our house, I now think of how much worse it could have been, and how lucky we are to be able to have this home. Now, when I’m talking to my mother and she’s focusing on the negative, I try to steer her in a more positive direction, rather than wallowing in the negative with her. When my company was having a difficult financial year and said “no raises,” I was thankful I still had a job. When I had a medical issue arise last year, I thought of how much worse it could have been and how lucky I am to have the good health I enjoy.

Through this whole experience, I’ve realized that it’s not how you’re born and raised and it’s not about luck. It’s all in how you look at things and about training your brain to choose the positive, count your blessings, recognize there are things to be grateful for, and find happiness in your everyday life. Because let’s face it… life is way too short to be unhappy.

So, how full is your glass?

About the author

Nancy Jean is a communications and media relations professional now specializing in social media for healthcare. She is currently with the Lifespan health system in Rhode Island, managing social media for five hospitals and a women’s health practice. A lifelong Rhode Islander, she is a mom to two rescue dogs and a diehard Red Sox fan who loves reading, writing, music and the beach. Follow her @NancyCawleyJean.

The Happy Friday Series: How To Find Your Happy

04/05/2013 By Jayme Soulati

Credit: Amber-Lee Dibble, Alaska Chick

Taking a deep breath, pulling the crisp, clean air into you, filling you, pushing all the dark and insanely busy out.

Taking another, wiping the smudge of all the small and seemingly unimportant issues and little dramas of life, away.

Breathing deeply and freely now, just in and out, until you can feel the chill of the air in every part of you, from your fingertips to the organs inside, clean and fresh.

There it is. I found my happy. As I look around, I realize that everything else is extra. The air. The mountains and the river.

What I am curious about is, am I so different than everyone else? Am I especially blessed? Is it simply being aware of what my purpose is that makes it so easy to find my happy?

How Do You Find Your Happy?

The #RockHot Jayme Soulati started the Happy Friday series and in doing so has brought many smiles to many faces over the last few months. The talented writers that have written the posts we have all enjoyed are a blessing.

They have also made me think strongly about why we are focusing so hard on happiness. The reason I would say such a thing is…

Shouldn’t happiness come easily to us all? We have read these posts and know that happiness isn’t money or possessions.

We all know that happiness, giving it and receiving it, can be as simple, and as precious, as a smile.

And, we all know that as bloggers, we tend to write about what people need.

My question is why do we need help finding our happy?

As I read and research and study, day in and day out I have taken note of a few quotes that may help you find your happy.

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” ~ Voltaire

“Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.” ~ Roy Goodman

“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” ~ Joseph Addison

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” ~J.M. Barrie

“Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.” ~Karl Barth

…and of course, my favorite…

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” ~ John Muir

Credit: Amber-Lee Dibble, Pioneer Outfitters

I know how much simply “trying” wears a person down. I understand that certain sadnesses cannot be unfelt.

But finding your happy? Maybe, just maybe, if you stood still (only for a moment) and breathed and remembered what made you happy the last time… it could fill you again, if you let it.

My hopes and wishes are for you to find your happy (if it seems to be missing). Remember this, as you search for your own…. you are not alone. I’m here. 🙂

About the Author

Amber-Lee Dibble, aka Alaska Chick’s Blog, is a Professional Alaska Guide and Manager at Pioneer Outfitters. Find and chat with Amber-Lee and Pioneer Outfitters on FaceBook , on Twitter as @AlaskaChickBlog or on LinkedIn as Amber-Lee Dibble.

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