Credit: gurpreetlife.blogspot.com
A little while ago, I participated in a stimulating conversation in this very series . Besides the great conversation, I was really struck by what a good idea this whole series is.
We have so much. Collectively, we are wealthier, healthier and better educated than at any other time in human history and yet, anxiety and depression are rising at alarming rates. The World Health Organisation predicts that by 2020, depression will be the second leading cause of disability.
Perhaps this is stating the obvious but I don’t think we’ve taken “happiness” seriously enough. We value rational intelligence and hard work. We certainly link “seriousness” to success. When people are taking their jobs, their lives and themselves really seriously, then we know they are committed and will go far.
Well, maybe. But at what cost? I don’t mean just the obvious negative impact of stress on our health. I’m actually talking about the collateral damage caused when we take everything so very seriously.
We don’t have time for common courtesy. We spend less time with friends and family. We point fingers and obsess about things we can’t do anything about. We take our stress and frustration and outrage out on those around us, either consciously or just in how we are in the world. I am in no way pointing fingers here. I know we do this because I do this.
What we focus on grows. If we spend a whole pile of time ruminating on what is wrong, the barriers between us and what we want, how wrong everyone else is, how unfair, cold and unsafe the world is, in time, that is all we see.
What’s Great About Being Happy
Here’s what is so great about being happy; when you’re happy, you believe you have choices. Having a choice gives you some measure of control in any situation. Recently, I read a post over on Susan Mazza’s blog that illustrates this point beautifully.
Susan was telling a story about a leader, Jim, who needed to deal with an employee who was obviously not happy at work. Jim had lots of options available to him. He could have gotten angry because the employee was just too lazy to work. Jim could have chosen to feel guilty because obviously, he must be a poor manager or the employee would be happy. Jim could have chosen to feel betrayed because he had trusted the employee.
Instead, Jim chose to accept the employee was unhappy in his work. He gave the employee contact information for 2 good recruiting firms. Jim told him that if he wanted to leave, these firms would help him. Jim didn’t want to lose the employee but he accepted the situation anyway. It was in that action – accepting the situation – that Jim levered happiness.
However you define happiness, people who experience life through a more positive than negative lens, tend to be more healthy, resilient and whole. Living life grounded in joy doesn’t stop stuff from happening. It also doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye. Quite the opposite. Being grounded in joy enables us to cope with the tragedy, pain and every day frustrations that are a part of life.
Beyond this really excellent weekly series, here are a couple of other happiness resources:
Shawn Achor’s TED Talk, “The Happiness Advantage”
The Happiness Project
Jayme, thanks so much for refocusing us on the power of happiness and for inviting me to contribute to such a worthwhile conversation.
About The Author
Sharon Gilmour-Glover is an experienced consultant, speaker and teacher specializing in leadership, strategy and change management. She leads an organization called Clarity For The Boss, and her wonderful business blog is right here.
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So much truth to this, Sharon! Love the story about the boss and the employee. That shows real leadership. It’s that kind of action that I WISH I would have seen in my previous jobs. In fact, that’s partly why I went out on my own. Most work environments don’t care about the happiness of their employees. If they did, I firmly believe they would have a stronger, more productive workforce. Happy Friday!!!!
lauraclick Hi Laura, I agree completely! And there is so much evidence that supports that people work best when they work in organisations that are values driven, where there is natural alignment between the enterprise’s values and employee’s and where everyone feels valued. It’s common sense but not always easy to do. That’s why this series is so important!
Have a great weekend,
Sharon
lauraclick Sharon shared a great piece today on Twitter about exactly this, Laura. A workplace that wanted its employees to be happier, and they did a 6-week study with gratitude journals and the like. Seems as if there is so much out there now on this topic; it’s become a science.
“What we focus on grows.”
I was invited to go on a walk today with a good friend who kpt saying, “It is SO beautiful here!” And then I opened my eyes and saw the same thing. We have so much to be grateful for and so much goodness and joy to focus on. It makes such a diference to focus on the positive in any situation. We attract beauty when we do that!
BetsyKCross Hi Betsy. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Your story illustrates the point I was trying to make beautifully. You’re so right. When we focus on the positive in any situation, it attracts beauty. What a lovely way to state that.
Have a great weekend,
Sharon
BetsyKCross When I was in Chicago working the PR agencies, I was called “too New York.” I made a sign and taped it to the wall, “Take Time To Smell the Roses.” On the phone, I taught myself (was a young buck) to ask about the weather, their feelings, their health, and then jump in and do business.
We engage with people who are and have emotions; when our eyes open wide enough to sense and see a need for love, it’s important. When you reached out to your community when your dad was ill, Betsy, you were welcoming support and wishes.
I have always admired people who do that — open up and let the wealth of health and love pour in when we need it. It’s so important.
Sharon,
Just this morning I heard horrible news, suicide rates for male baby boomers had risen 60% in the last 20 years! How sad. You really struck a cord with “Here’s what is so great about being happy; when you’re happy, you
believe you have choices. Having a choice gives you some measure of
control in any situation.” I wonder, even with all the wealth, health and knowledge do people feel more out of control with their lives? Is there too much to deal with? Too many people to try and make happy around us that you just can’t find happiness yourself?
With all the “things” we have these days comes a lot of responsibility and that can lead to stress and unhappiness. Maybe we need to go back to more simple times and appreciate what we have.
Happiness surely is a gift, I wish more people felt it. “Life grounded in joy”
~Allie
AllieRambles When someone asks me, “Jayme, are you happy?” I ALWAYS stumble! I can never answer that. As I watch and read all these wonderful pieces roll in, I marvel at this concept. I am the first to belly laugh at a joke, laugh the loudest when something strikes me in a movie, and yet that feeling of euphoria is fleeting. To be able to bottle it and forget the stresses of the daily load would be so invigorating.
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing AllieRambles Jayme, you have a knack for really bringing it down to the essentials. I don’t feel euphoric all the time. I’m not even happy all the time.You’re absolutely right, those things are fleeting.
For me what lasts, and what gets me through challenging times, is an orientation towards gratitude. I cling to what I’m grateful for and what I have during those dark times. I force myself to write in my gratitude or success journal when I’m feeling blue. I reread those journals when I’m not feeling those feelings. They remind me of all I have and how fortunate I am, even when I don’t feel it.
That reminds me of a Wall Street Journal piece I read on male/female sexual interactions — women have many, many support networks to help them through a rough spot. Men get that experience from human touch and sexual relations…that’s when they feel loved with attention. Your data you cited…could it be oriented to older men feeling too alone?
Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing It could be. Maybe if they are divorced or widowed they feel a lonely. You are right, women will go out and talk to friends or even online and find support. Most men will not and thus feel lonely. So unfortunate.
I heard the stat on the radio and they did not site why the rates went up. I bet it can be numerous factors.
AllieRambles Soulati | B2B Social Media Marketing Agree. In 2009 when I was so depressed about where I was living, i turned to Twitter. It entirely changed my life and saved me from who knows what. That is an honest to goodness true story.
AllieRambles It’s sort of the heart of the paradox isn’t it? We have so much that it can become too much to deal with. I think you’re right that we can become so distracted and overwhelmed with trying to make so many people happy, that we begin to feel drained and lost. I think that’s why I love what Betsy wrote about her friend saying ‘It’s SO beautiful here.” so often that Betsy saw it too. Maybe we need to remind each other to look out sometimes?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Sharon Gilmour Glover It is a great thing to make others happy and give. But there really comes a time when someone needs to step back and think about how to make themselves happy. Sometimes I think we are programed to believe that making ourselves happy (in a healthy manner) is selfish. Moms get that feeling often. “It’s so selfish of me to go out and enjoy myself while the baby is home with dad.” By doing what we need to be grounded and happy, we then are able to make others even happier.
AllieRambles Sharon Gilmour Glover your comment…spot on…my kidlet is 11yo and oh boy, am I struggling with her judgment of me as a person. The embarrassment is killing her, and it just started!
I won’t change myself b/c of my child, but it makes one think totally differently about “stuff.”
AllieRambles Thanks so much for agreeing to write one of these wonderful posts! It’s up to you what you’d like to share and which topic. I’m two weeks out right now, so you have a bit of time! The first post was something like January 17, perhaps, when I launched the series?
The coolest thing ever, ever, is that is the only one I have written — the very first and here all these wonderful, wonderful people have jumped in to share a post every Friday. If I have to write one (gasp), that has to be the topic.
When you’re ready, send the story, links any images and your Author info to me at jayme at soulati dot com. Thanks!